PUA Forum
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

I need opinions on this situation.
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=119239		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Fri Oct 28, 2011 1:55 pm ]
Post subject:  I need opinions on this situation.
It's going to be a little long...sorry for it. So, I've been in this relationship for a little more than 4 montsh now and almost everything is fine. In the start we had lots of sex(1-5 times a day) but now it dropped drastically(~2 times a week, though I still get handjobs usually if I want it).

Now as I recently realised this is not my real problem, it was kind of tiring anyways and we only had few other things to do back then besides studying for exams.

The problem is that it is always me who wants it and I start to feel that she's just like "Oh okay let's have sex so you can have fun...whatever" She doesn't say it of course but I can see it that way(with a slight exaggaration) She's always always tired, not just when I want to have sex, it's not her "escape" and I can see that there's a lot of pressure on her from several angles that doesn't really matter in details right now...

So I made a mistake, I thought that she needed more care and stuff so I became a bit too needy I think. Sometimes even desperate which was kind of humiliating for my ego but it's not really her fault at all, it was me afterall who misjudged the situation.

Yet both of us still invest in the relationship emotionally, only the sexual part became imbalanced so I'm thinking about not initiating sex for a while, but accepting if she wants to(maybe... turn her down once or twice) It's gonna be hard, I just want her like 24/7 but right now it's the only solution I see to fix this.

I was also thinking about talking with her about this but I don't really see where that conversation would go and I want to leave that as a last solution because knowing that both of us are quite short tempered when it's about emotional conflicts it is likely that would just lead to a pointless dispute.

I really like this girl and I know that she feels the same, we're just both having a hard time with lots of frustration, and if the sexual balance were restored some of that tension would definitely go away. I want to know what some of the more experienced people here think about this situation and my solution.
Author:  Olivier [ Fri Oct 28, 2011 9:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
I got about half way trough the big wall of text. Please, do use your enter button from time to time, there's 2 on a keyboard for a reason!

About the sex thing, this is normal. In the early stages of a relationship things will be hot and steamy in the bedroom, and pretty frequently;) Things just seem to settle after a few weeks/months, it's natural.

To be dead honest, I don't think repressing your sexual urges and denying her sex will is a solid strategy.She will notice and think you are doing it conciously which can: make her selfdoubt---> do you not find me pretty anymore?
make her think you are cheating on her ---> hence your (in her eyes) lower sex drive
make her believe the fizz is out of your relationship ---> guess what happens when she things that?


You can play all kinds of mindgames and reframing situations, but I doubt that will fix the real problem......The sex is most likely boring for her. Ask yourself: Do I want to try out new things with this girl? Heck go down on her a few times ;) Sex should never be an exchange of pleasure (you go down on me, I'll go down on you), but both parties should be enjoying themselves;) Make sure she is :)
Author:  Snake Doctor [ Sat Oct 29, 2011 2:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Sorry just had the courage to read the 3 or 4 lines.

Mate talk to her. Dont be judge or anything, just ask her. You are dating so dont have any problems telling her what you feel.

Dont start those mind games.

Tell her you are sexual being, that in arelantioship sex is important, and this new behavior is not appealing to you, you prefer when you guys started.

Ask her if she has any problem if she is stressed, tell her that you understand. And if she is doing a sacrifice just to make you happy, you guys should stop and start trying to understand what is the problem. Because is not all you!
Author:  billy_the_mountain [ Sat Oct 29, 2011 2:12 am ]
Post subject:  Talk, dammit.
I agree with Snake Doctor. Discussion is the best option. Such a non-confrontational stance will get you nowhere in a relationship, especially on such a crucial matter as that of the bedroom. Let her know how you're feeling to try and get to the bottom of the matter instead of attempting to be a soothsayer and playing mind games.

Furthermore, I think your labeling of this matter as "emotional" is incorrect. It is a lot simpler than that, it is a matter of physiology. There could be a discrepancy between your sex drives or she might be tired from an illness or allergy, for example.

Just talk to her. If you can't talk then you're done for.
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:58 am ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for your replies. As far as enjoying the sex she does enjoy it. I'm her third dude who could make her cum, and the second who could make it multiple times in a row.

But you missed my point. It's not a mindgame I'm playing. I'm just trying to restore balance here. I became needy and therefore I need to stop it. That's all. I've been all over her for the past month like almost suffocating her it was definitely counter-productive.

The whole thing is mainly my fault that's why I want to refrain from talking about it yet. If this persist after I stop being a wussy that will indicate that it was not, or not the only source of the problem and then of course I will talk with her.

I also edited the first post to be more readable.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Sat Oct 29, 2011 10:43 am ]
Post subject: 
anytime a girl starts to deny sexual attention/energy,

my advice is to start getting it elsewhere (i don't mean sex, i just mean sexual energy)

and preferably in a way that she notices.

sex is not a bartering chip in a relationship.

well, it shouldn't be.

unless of course you are dating a prostitute.

on the other hand...fuck relationships

lol, sorry, disregard my last blurb there.
Author:  Mr Archer [ Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Honestly, kind of agree with Mack here.

Four months is incredibly quick for the sex to tail off. Usually you'd get at least six months, which indicates to me a bit of an issue, especially since you're doing it less in a week now than you were doing it in a day.

Try to remember what it was that got her interested in the first place. It's very easy to get into a routine and get lazy. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you get to stop making an effort.
Author:  Iwan [ Sun Oct 30, 2011 11:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
She's playing games with You. As someone above has written - sex is not a bartering chip. Bang some other chicks. She needs to know You have options, and if she don't accept your rules she is free to go.
Author:  Snake Doctor [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:04 am ]
Post subject: 
Again she is your Girlfriend talk to her… and then and only then based on her actions you should have reaction, and then take some conclusions, and maybe follow some advices that some guys are giving to you.

Nobody here can tell her she is mind gaming. You are the one spending time with her.
Author:  joker5811 [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:53 am ]
Post subject: 
i agree with snake doctor, but also see if yall cant try something different so spice up the bedroom the next time yall do have sex
Author:  billy_the_mountain [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 4:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't worry about appearing needy. You're not getting any! How can it get any worse? What have you to lose? Stop procrastinating and get to the bottom of it.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:15 am ]
Post subject: 
women withholds sex.

do not "talk to her" about it.

what the fuck?

this isn't the dr. phil show

what bigger test of your manhood (shit test) could there possibly be

than "i am no longer going to give you the pussy, arbitrarily"

she stops wanting it, you stop asking for it.

eye for an eye.

then let her see that others give you sexual energy

which COULD VERY EASILY turn into sexual activity

if ... you ... wanted

pass the shit test

are we advised to "discuss" shit tests with women?

or destroy them

now, i agree with the above posters who said you still have to game while in a relationship. yah, you can't get lazy and ridiculous.

but if you are being halfway decent and she isn't giving it up.

uh uh

imagine that shit twenty years in.

i'm sorry, it's not much of a relationship if you are already having to beg for sex after four months.

i would suggest an open relationship.

just say "i really like you a lot" but "i need sex", here "let us do this".

:D
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Okay... I see there're lots of misunderstandings here in this topic eventhough I tried to be as clear as I could.

First...she is not withholding sex all in all, it's just that we do it less frequently.

Second...she's not playing stupid mindgames and this is not a god damn shit test.

Third...let's get it ALL clear now. I didn't get desperate because I didn't get sex, more likely, I didn't get sex because I was all over her all the time. That's annoying you know...especially since we live together.

I became desperate because I couldn't find a way to comfort her in her difficult situation. So...since the problem seems to be with ME not with HER then do you really think that banging other chicks would fix this? No fucking way...
Quote:
she stops wanting it, you stop asking for it.

eye for an eye.


No it's not... I'm stopping asking for it because I know that I need to hold back a little otherwise I'd just suffocate her. She's not testing my manhood and shit, she just feels pressured way too much and it is uncomfortable for her.

I know it guys, believe me...I sense it. I need to fix the root of the problem otherwise it will persist. Talking might clear things up, or might not but if I didn't change my attitude back to NORMAL I don't think anything good would happen...
Author:  JuanAntonioB [ Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you became AFC it is normal for her to be less attracted to you and hence feel like sex has become a duty.

So yea, fix your silly needy behaviour. I would never advise living together but thats a different story.
Author:  MynameisFisher [ Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:17 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If you became AFC it is normal for her to be less attracted to you and hence feel like sex has become a duty.

So yea, fix your silly needy behaviour. I would never advise living together but thats a different story.
Exactly. Someone finally understands :D Well, about that living together thing... I really like it. Finally, something's challenging again in my life.
Page 1 of 2 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/