PUA Forum :: GF feels used... what to do? Potential Dying Relationship

Way too much verbalization! Are you familiar with the concept of a "soft next"? The basic idea is that the most effective form of punishment for female-drama is to withhold your attention completely. Girls thrive on attention and HATE when you ignore them. So therefore, when a girl starts doing really stupid crap.. then you disappear for 3 or 4 days (i.e. Don't verbalize what you are doing, don't answer your phone or text or anything). Then call her up after a few days and, if she asks, tell her you were busy. Repeat as necessary.. she'll get the picture.

-Wolf

Quote:

You can't just disappear for 3 or 4 days if you're in a LTR and you see each other every day. You can do it for a couple of hours or even a full day, that should be plenty long enough for her to take the hint. But, you can't just tell her you were busy either, you have to let her know what she did that you didn't like, otherwise she isn't going to know to not do that anymore. How you let her know is the key though.

I think we're still on the same page here... kinda. Sure, if you really see your girlfriend EVERYDAY, then maybe a shorter period would be fine (2 days?). However, 3 to 4 days has always worked for me and I have done this many, many times. You want your girlfriend to know, on some level that her drama has led to your aloofness. In fact, expect a barrage of increasingly dramatic text messages the first time you attempt this. Hold strong and ignore them. Actions speak louder than words. This is the best way to let her know that bad behavior will not be tolerated. It is not necessary to explain yourself.. your a MAN and you are allowed to have MAN TIME to do MAN THINGS away from your girlfriend without calling to check in first.. especially if she's bringing the drama.

-Wolf

/James Bond never has to explain himself when he disappears for a couple days.

I agree, but you have to be having your Man Time from the beginning of the relationship. You can't spend every moment with her, not go out with friends, not do things without her, and then suddenly disappear. At that point, it sends the wrong message.

On the other hand, my father used to disappear for 3 days when my parents were young if my mom was giving him bullshit (they were already married though), then he would call her and sing "I just called to say I love you". She's still crazy about him.

You acted rashly over a false notion that she was purposefully ignoring you. Even if you found out later that it was totally true that she was ignoring you, you still made the decision based on no evidence.

Author:	BuddhaMuscle [ Wed Oct 19, 2011 3:52 pm ]
Post subject:	GF feels used... what to do? Potential Dying Relationship
We were in her bedroom having my idea of a wonderful time and we heard a knock on the door. We both get our clothes on, leave the bedroom, and her friend was at the front door unexpectedly. She walks in, makes a jab at us coming out of the bedroom, and asks to use my girlfriend's computer upstairs. My GF and I went downstairs and I asked for some head because, let's be real, blue balls have to be solved somehow. Apparently the lady was shocked at being interrupted and embarrassed as well, and didn't take to my asking her for head very well. I go home blue in the pantaloons and she sends me a text about how she feels I used her that night. I don't reply that night, wait until the morning and basically tell her I feel bad she feels that way but I am not using her. I also said in the text that if she is talking about our relationship in general, and not that night, "we need to talk." My line of thinking is that if she truly feels I am using her in a relationship that I find myself slipping into one-itus in then it is just too dangerous and we need to take a break, but not without coming to the experts first. What do I do? About the dying relationship part, it started last weekend when she went away with her family. She was taking very long to reply to texts so I kind of ignored her and she said I didn't pay enough attention to her. I know that it is a rule of gaining attraction, but it seemed to have backfired here.

Author:	Sidnne [ Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:
If she feels used because you asked her for head, then she is obviously a very sexually immature person. Stop apologizing to her and stop feeling bad. You are being pussified. Stand up for yourself. A man does not apologize for wanting a blowjob. Let her feel like you don't pay enough attention to her. She is playing games. Again, stand up for yourself, and stop giving in to her needy and immature behavior.

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:
sounds like you've got a Stage-5 Clinger! kudos!

Author:	BuddhaMuscle [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:00 am ]
Post subject:
Update: She said her text last night was motivated by the embarrassment of the situation. She proceeded to tell me that sometimes she feels I do not care enough, but that could be just her problem. I called her twice to talk about things, because I've done a lot of very nice things for her that we enjoy (jazz festivals, fancy restaurants, being winos for a night) and her feelings are extremely abusred with me leaning towards taking a break. She picked up neither of those calls, which came 30 minutes after I texted her without a response, so I decided from the timing of the situation texting her that we need to take a break was the right decision. With my leaning that way, and her blatant disrespect I felt justified in texting her my decision. She replied that "so bascially what youre sayingis youre breaking up with me" and I replied "just break." I got a response that "a break had never crossed my mind, I don't want to see other people, but if you think thats whats best." I replied that" she's my girl, and beautiful, just not right now". Read on the situation RH? Good work done? I do want to get back with her in the future. I just hope when we jump into it again it will be better than what we had become. I do have all intentions of getting this girl back. When do I contact her next? My thoughts are I am immediately going to try to get her back i.e "I miss you baby let's put this behind us" blah blah blah. So when do I do that? To be fair to myself I took a bar of xanax before our conversation today but blaming it on the xanax would be weak as I really didn't vary from what I would have said anyways.

Author:	Sidnne [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:03 am ]
Post subject:
You didn't handle this well at all. Why would you break up with a girl that you want to be with? If you don't want to be with her, then by all means break it off. But, if you want to be with her, and there are issues, then you should talk about those issues like a man. Do you really think that if you break up with her, those issues are just going to magically go away and then you can get back together and live happily ever after? If you do call her up and tell her you miss her and want her back, then you've given her all the power. Not to mention she is going to have some additional resentment and trust issues added on to whatever issues she had before. In the back of her mind, she is going to be thinking that you could change your mind and break up with her again at any moment, so she is going to start distancing herself from you to protect herself. You're in a hole, that's for sure. I'll think about this some more tomorrow. In the meantime, read the "Easiest Way To Save A Dying Relationship" thread.

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Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:11 pm ]
Post subject:
Way too much verbalization! Are you familiar with the concept of a "soft next"? The basic idea is that the most effective form of punishment for female-drama is to withhold your attention completely. Girls thrive on attention and HATE when you ignore them. So therefore, when a girl starts doing really stupid crap.. then you disappear for 3 or 4 days (i.e. Don't verbalize what you are doing, don't answer your phone or text or anything). Then call her up after a few days and, if she asks, tell her you were busy. Repeat as necessary.. she'll get the picture. -Wolf

Author:	Sidnne [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Way too much verbalization! Are you familiar with the concept of a "soft next"? The basic idea is that the most effective form of punishment for female-drama is to withhold your attention completely. Girls thrive on attention and HATE when you ignore them. So therefore, when a girl starts doing really stupid crap.. then you disappear for 3 or 4 days (i.e. Don't verbalize what you are doing, don't answer your phone or text or anything). Then call her up after a few days and, if she asks, tell her you were busy. Repeat as necessary.. she'll get the picture. -Wolf You can't just disappear for 3 or 4 days if you're in a LTR and you see each other every day. You can do it for a couple of hours or even a full day, that should be plenty long enough for her to take the hint. But, you can't just tell her you were busy either, you have to let her know what she did that you didn't like, otherwise she isn't going to know to not do that anymore. How you let her know is the key though.

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Way too much verbalization! Are you familiar with the concept of a "soft next"? The basic idea is that the most effective form of punishment for female-drama is to withhold your attention completely. Girls thrive on attention and HATE when you ignore them. So therefore, when a girl starts doing really stupid crap.. then you disappear for 3 or 4 days (i.e. Don't verbalize what you are doing, don't answer your phone or text or anything). Then call her up after a few days and, if she asks, tell her you were busy. Repeat as necessary.. she'll get the picture. -Wolf You can't just disappear for 3 or 4 days if you're in a LTR and you see each other every day. You can do it for a couple of hours or even a full day, that should be plenty long enough for her to take the hint. But, you can't just tell her you were busy either, you have to let her know what she did that you didn't like, otherwise she isn't going to know to not do that anymore. How you let her know is the key though. I think we're still on the same page here... kinda. Sure, if you really see your girlfriend EVERYDAY, then maybe a shorter period would be fine (2 days?). However, 3 to 4 days has always worked for me and I have done this many, many times. You want your girlfriend to know, on some level that her drama has led to your aloofness. In fact, expect a barrage of increasingly dramatic text messages the first time you attempt this. Hold strong and ignore them. Actions speak louder than words. This is the best way to let her know that bad behavior will not be tolerated. It is not necessary to explain yourself.. your a MAN and you are allowed to have MAN TIME to do MAN THINGS away from your girlfriend without calling to check in first.. especially if she's bringing the drama. -Wolf /James Bond never has to explain himself when he disappears for a couple days.

Author:	Sidnne [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:13 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I think we're still on the same page here... kinda. Sure, if you really see your girlfriend EVERYDAY, then maybe a shorter period would be fine (2 days?). However, 3 to 4 days has always worked for me and I have done this many, many times. You want your girlfriend to know, on some level that her drama has led to your aloofness. In fact, expect a barrage of increasingly dramatic text messages the first time you attempt this. Hold strong and ignore them. Actions speak louder than words. This is the best way to let her know that bad behavior will not be tolerated. It is not necessary to explain yourself.. your a MAN and you are allowed to have MAN TIME to do MAN THINGS away from your girlfriend without calling to check in first.. especially if she's bringing the drama. -Wolf /James Bond never has to explain himself when he disappears for a couple days. I agree, but you have to be having your Man Time from the beginning of the relationship. You can't spend every moment with her, not go out with friends, not do things without her, and then suddenly disappear. At that point, it sends the wrong message.

Author:	Txacoli [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I agree, but you have to be having your Man Time from the beginning of the relationship. You can't spend every moment with her, not go out with friends, not do things without her, and then suddenly disappear. At that point, it sends the wrong message. It's a recipe for disaster to act like that from the beginning of a relationship. And you're right, then you can't have your MAN TIME without giving her a detailed report about where you're going, with whom etc. On the other hand, my father used to disappear for 3 days when my parents were young if my mom was giving him bullshit (they were already married though), then he would call her and sing "I just called to say I love you". She's still crazy about him. It really is best not to feed the drama queen in women, but it is hard sometimes, especially when you've accustomed her to always being around and available.

Author:	Wolfwoodd [ Thu Oct 20, 2011 9:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: On the other hand, my father used to disappear for 3 days when my parents were young if my mom was giving him bullshit (they were already married though), then he would call her and sing "I just called to say I love you". She's still crazy about him. Nice, Txacoli. This is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. It shouldn't really matter at what point in the relationship a guy is in or how much the two hang out. The Man Time should begin at whatever point the bullshit drama begins. -Wolf

Author:	Wal [ Sat Oct 22, 2011 12:08 am ]
Post subject:
OP, do you have any updates? Do you still want this girl back, or are you finding your freedom to be exhilarating? Something to ponder: I can't believe no one said this, but your 2 texts and 2 calls within 30-ish minutes is the mark of a man who wants to do the right thing, but has no idea what that is. At what other point in time in your life would you consider ending a relationship (a friendship, a business relationship, or whatever) after just 30 minutes? You acted rashly over a false notion that she was purposefully ignoring you. Even if you found out later that it was totally true that she was ignoring you, you still made the decision based on no evidence. That problem you had was all in your head. You owe your girlfriend at least a couple hours (at bar minimum) to return your call, even if the relationship is on ice.

Author:	Lodewijkp [ Sat Oct 22, 2011 10:24 am ]
Post subject:
i seriously do not know what the fuck you are talking about ... she gave you a blowjob because you asked for it ..and now you apologized for asking it ? Quote: You acted rashly over a false notion that she was purposefully ignoring you. Even if you found out later that it was totally true that she was ignoring you, you still made the decision based on no evidence. i did this with woman all the time... little games you play with yourself.. even if she ignores you you will never know why. that's why you need to stop looking at what others are doing... if you are getting this needy you might as well end the relationship. once you get caught in this pattern you need to solve it... things i do when im really deep into the shit : 1. pickup something from the ground .. hit myself on the head and telling myself she will not be the solution to my problems... if i can't find anything punch myself or i ask someone to punch me.. 2. sitting at home... telling myself that im lying to myself and that i shouldn't focus on anything external..i do this chant for 30 minutes in a row... my neightbours always give me weird looks like im doing some satanic chanting in my room. 3. whip my bals with the back of my hand while taking a shower... these 3 enlightened tactics were developed by me when i was dating this stage 10 clinger milf who i couldn't get rid off...i locked myself up in my room with a bible ( so fucking boring ) trying to discipline myself with boring reads... the agony...if you just discipline yourself enough and deal with your inner game issues you will get out of it. nowadays i just tell woman to shut up and suck my dick...because if i comply im in for alot of ball slapping .. develish lovecraftian chanting.. preventing one-itis is much easier than curing it.

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:01 am ]
Post subject:
devilish lovecraftian chanting? that's awesome

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Author:	TheChallenger [ Sun Oct 23, 2011 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:
You confused her! You are in a tough situation, just wait a while for things to calm down. you seem to have control over this relationship, wait for her to calm down and then get back together, dont apologize no longer because you're giving her the control.