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Humiliating Night
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Author:  camus154 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Humiliating Night
Hi all,

So the other night I took out my girlfriend and her cousin who was visiting from out of town. We hit the bars and had a ton to drink, and at the end of the night I had an incident with another guy.

My memory is pretty foggy but apparently I was making fun of some guy, and his buddy heard me and called me out on it. My girlfriend immediately intervened and was telling him, "Please don't, he's just drunk" or something to that effect.

The guy came up to me and told me to listen to him...I guess I was looking at the ground and he said, "Look at me, don't look away, look me in the eyes." I think he even turned my head to look at him. Then he basically told me that I was an asshole and that's why I wasn't out with any friends and he was. And then he walked away.

I didn't say a word when this happened and didn't do a single thing. The truth is I felt like an utter ass for talking smack to begin with and then just sitting there when this happened. On the cab ride home I was stewing over it because I was obviously embarrassed and felt like a complete pussy, but also because the guy was right. I'm not normally a shit talker and truthfully I'm lucky the guy didn't knock me out.

Anyway, apparently I told my girlfriend afterwards that we shouldn't be together. I don't remember this part but I'm assuming I said this because I was totally embarrassed by the whole situation. We talked later and that was really the only thing she wanted to address. I apologized to her and her cousin and told them I was mortified by my behavior that night.

So my problem is, now I'm suffering from some seriously wounded pride. Not just for talking crap, but for having done absolutely nothing when the guy walked up on me. I can't help but worry that my girlfriend was totally turned off by me that night and that it's going to stick in her head. I know it's an immature thing to worry about, but I can't imagine being a woman and watching your boyfriend get completely humiliated like that, especially in front of family. I suppose I feel like, right or wrong, it would have been better to follow through and at least challenge this guy when I was called out.

My girlfriend and I are on "normal" terms now, but things still feel a bit off. I'm tempted to talk to her and explain how I'm feeling, but a part of me also doesn't think that's a good idea. How to you go about discussing wounded pride and being worried that your girlfriend sees you as a shit talker who punks out when caught?

Any advice? Thanks....
Author:  Anon191919 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 5:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yo man, im in the same boat as you are. I feel so stupid, and this is probably one of the leading reasons my girlfriend hasnt had sex with me yet. We got really really drunk together, alone, and I dont even remember what sparked it but i like broke down crying which i NEVER do, and i was just like crying for no reason about our relationship and i dont even really remember doing it. It was just like, a few months of insecurities and pain that built up in me and i decided a good time to let it out was right in front of the girl i want to have sex with.... ya real dumb move but yours prob isnt as bad as mine. I still havent found a solution in my own case, I've been kinda laughing about it and making fun of myself a little because its kind of hard to act tough when in reality we were being straight up pussies
Author:  Min0 [ Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Humiliating Night
Quote:
Hi all,

So the other night I took out my girlfriend and her cousin who was visiting from out of town. We hit the bars and had a ton to drink, and at the end of the night I had an incident with another guy.

My memory is pretty foggy but apparently I was making fun of some guy, and his buddy heard me and called me out on it. My girlfriend immediately intervened and was telling him, "Please don't, he's just drunk" or something to that effect.

The guy came up to me and told me to listen to him...I guess I was looking at the ground and he said, "Look at me, don't look away, look me in the eyes." I think he even turned my head to look at him. Then he basically told me that I was an asshole and that's why I wasn't out with any friends and he was. And then he walked away.

I didn't say a word when this happened and didn't do a single thing. The truth is I felt like an utter ass for talking smack to begin with and then just sitting there when this happened. On the cab ride home I was stewing over it because I was obviously embarrassed and felt like a complete pussy, but also because the guy was right. I'm not normally a shit talker and truthfully I'm lucky the guy didn't knock me out.

Anyway, apparently I told my girlfriend afterwards that we shouldn't be together. I don't remember this part but I'm assuming I said this because I was totally embarrassed by the whole situation. We talked later and that was really the only thing she wanted to address. I apologized to her and her cousin and told them I was mortified by my behavior that night.

So my problem is, now I'm suffering from some seriously wounded pride. Not just for talking crap, but for having done absolutely nothing when the guy walked up on me. I can't help but worry that my girlfriend was totally turned off by me that night and that it's going to stick in her head. I know it's an immature thing to worry about, but I can't imagine being a woman and watching your boyfriend get completely humiliated like that, especially in front of family. I suppose I feel like, right or wrong, it would have been better to follow through and at least challenge this guy when I was called out.

My girlfriend and I are on "normal" terms now, but things still feel a bit off. I'm tempted to talk to her and explain how I'm feeling, but a part of me also doesn't think that's a good idea. How to you go about discussing wounded pride and being worried that your girlfriend sees you as a shit talker who punks out when caught?

Any advice? Thanks....
no advice about how to to talk to your gf part, JUST one advice - be able to back up shit you talk ;)
I like to do that time by time too, BUT I know that I can handle consequences (or I m going with this attitude).
Get into some self-defense or other martial arts thingy. I suggest some MMA or just kick-boxing with jiujitsu.
You will get some real confidence and your gf won't need to defend you, that part wouldn't hurt my pride big time...
Author:  Txacoli [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:11 am ]
Post subject: 
It's tough because you probably can't hide the way you feel in front of your gf. For what it's worth, most women are not really impressed by macho displays of primitivism, such as picking up a fight because of stupid things. You were drunk and did a stupid thing, your girlfriend stepped in because she cares for you and didn't wanna see you get hurt. The best thing you can do is acknowledge your stupidity in a mature manner, thank her for sticking by your side and tell her you realized how stupid of you was to talk shit about those guys and you're glad that the alcohol didn't influence you into a pointless fight because you know violence doesn't solve anything and so on. Just present it into a display of your maturity instead of being chicken. That's for the saving face part.
The wounded pride thing, well that's entirely your problem, it doesn't have to do anything to do with your girlfriend. I don't know how long you have been together and what kind of conversations you have, but if you worry about how she'll perceive you because of what happened, I guess you're not at the point where you can really honestly talk to her about it, in which case just try to resolve it on your own and don't let it influence your relationship. If she's your GF, she probably won't be turned off of you as you think, she's in love with you. We all do stupid things every once in a while, so just let it go, don't dwell about it. I know it's probably hard for you, but the less you think about it, the sooner you'll just act like it's not a big deal.
On a side note, as much as women love a tough macho guy, they also like it when a man is honest and mature enough to show his "soft" side as well. So don't worry too much about not being alpha enough, because from my experience the being alpha thing is far more important when it comes to sticking to your values and principles within your relationship than amoging each and every guy you meet.
Good luck and keep us updated!
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
hahaha .. you were being insecure about you and your relationship so you put other guys down to get some security lol....

woman love macho guys when dating or pickup..

in relationships woman don't like macho guys at all...lol this is said by a 'former macho'' lol.
Author:  Mr Smiles [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
It’s sucks to hear this I know…I really know…but it’s very good that you feel embarrassed, it’s part of growing up. You dropped the ball, not only when you didn’t react when confronted or when you talked some crazy shit…all that is almost excusable considering the fact that you where wasted…you’re real mistake was getting wasted and losing control of yourself. That’s a major fail when you are with your girl. When you do that you become an embarrassment, you show that you are still a boy…of if you’re my age…the bottom of the barrel.

I still remember the time I did the same thing 18 years ago..it’s stamped in the back of my head forever…picture this: a teenager in street gang apparel riding the subway harassing the commuters being all drunk and shit, falling all over the place and yelling while my GF was trying to calm me down, my friends where so embarrassed that they pretended not to know me lol…arrgh the shame.

You see, getting wasted makes you do some pretty stupid things sometimes because it brings out the worst in you…but I know you want to do it anyways lol…so do it but not with the GF!! Lol. And hopefully the embarrassment will make you think more before you reach those dangerous limits next time.

To repair the damage…you need to show concern for you behavior but don’t build it up to much either. Do something or things in the other direction and be genuine...things to better yourself. And Never do it again!

As for fighting…lol…this never happens anymore after a certain age but street fighting is a pissing contest not a fighting contest. Avoid it at all cost but if it’s unavoidable you need to follow through and don’t ever look away. And sometimes you will take a beating but you won if you stood your ground like a warrior. Unless the guy looks like he may have a knife or other…then uh…don’t follow through anymore…lol.

Just my 2cents worth..good luck bro.
Author:  SmoothOp [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
You were wasted and don't remember a thing about the night. It happens to the best of us. Just laugh it off and say the above posters idea about the fact that it's good that it didnt lead to any pointless violence, it will save face. I know it sucks but if you make it a big deal, she will see it as a big deal. And if you are worried about your manliness, go bare knuckle box an grisley bear! That'll show em.. If you die, you die a man!! JK don't do that. But you can make up for it in the future in different ways.

Cheers,
Author:  misselizabeth [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 3:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
You'll be fine, don't sweat it. Just let the lesson be learned, don't let yourself get TOO drunk. You lose your control and women like a man in control. Taxcoli had some great points too.
Author:  camus154 [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 3:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for everyone's replies.

Now that a few days have passed my ego is s-l-o-w-l-y recovering lol. My gf knows I'd stand up for her if needed (it's happened before) and this time really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with my being a total ass.

Everyone's right--the bigger issue is the drinking. I'm 35 years old--way too old for this kind of crap--and we've already had discussions about cutting down how much we both drink prior to this happening. Best to consider this a wake up call and start working on what really matters.

Thanks again!
Author:  BigRyana [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:26 am ]
Post subject: 
It sounds like you are coming to the right conclusion. The truth is I have made more stupid, drunken mistakes than I can remember, but I have learned not to dwell on them. I have also learned to slow down when drinking, and evaluate the state I'm in. In another month it will be a distant memory, don't sweat it, just learn from it.
Author:  Mack 2.0 [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:11 am ]
Post subject: 
don't write checks with your mouth that you can't cash with your ass
Author:  themodernfemme [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dude people make mistakes forget about it
Author:  Wal [ Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
don't write checks with your mouth that you can't cash with your ass
+1 for bizarre non sequitur. :lol:

Or does that idiom have a meaning where you come from?
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