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She was all over me then she said nothing
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Author:  paxis [ Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:10 pm ]
Post subject:  She was all over me then she said nothing
Here's the deal, I've been with this girl for about 4 weeks (includes kissing, lots of cuddling from her, etc etc etc). She was all over me, she was very jealous of a friend of hers with who I get along really well, she's jealous of my ex, etc etc.
Last saturday we talked on facebook (she was going on vacation with her friends for about a week) and I did not answer her (I had to leave for a second). When I came back, I had like 20 lines of text from her. Along with that, she put something about us on a music I put on my facebook profile. So far so good. She asked me to send her a sms, which I didn't, because I had no money.
She then, seeing that I didn't send her a sms, said "oh thank you for the sms". After that, I sent her a sms from other phone telling "I have no money on my phone. How did the trip went?", she didn't reply. Next day I said "hey pokemon :)" (kidding, same thing I did sometimes with her). She didn't reply, so I haven't said anything else until today... I mean, I won't say anything else until she says to me something.

The question is: she really likes me (she asked my friends what kind of a boyfriend I am, how are the things with my ex, etc etc etc, but she also said to me that she was kinda affraid of getting hurt again, because she liked me very much very fast), so why the fuck doesn't she says anything? lol
Author:  stefangreyman [ Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She was all over me then she said nothing
Quote:
Here's the deal, I've been with this girl for about 4 weeks (includes kissing, lots of cuddling from her, etc etc etc). She was all over me, she was very jealous of a friend of hers with who I get along really well, she's jealous of my ex, etc etc.
What's not clear from your post is whether or not you've slept with this girl. There are a million reasons why she might have suddenly gone incommunicado, but if you have not slept with her at week 4 it is quite likely she's getting insecure--like maybe you don't really want to. Now a lot of PU theory says a more insecure girl will chase you, but in a budding relationship specific kinds of insecurity can cause her essentially to pre-emptively dump you, or up the shit test level. Frankly it sounds like really young behavior.
Author:  paxis [ Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
I am 20 years old, she's 22 and we're both students, so we live with our parents. Seeing that, is more complicated the 2 of us having sex, so I don't think that is the reason why she doesn't say a thing :p
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She was all over me then she said nothing
Quote:
She then, seeing that I didn't send her a sms, said "oh thank you for the sms". After that, I sent her a sms from other phone telling "I have no money on my phone. How did the trip went?", she didn't reply. Next day I said "hey pokemon :)" (kidding, same thing I did sometimes with her). She didn't reply, so I haven't said anything else until today... I mean, I won't say anything else until she says to me something.
So she asked you to send a message. Ok. She could just want to transfer the conversation to her phone. That's cool. But then you can't because you have no money. Not a problem. She tells you she's upset (in not so many words) that you didn't text her, so you supplicate and text her? You walked right into her shit test. Now she sees that you're easy to control and that you're trying beyond your means to please her.

You should have responded back on Facebook that you couldn't text her. Or just left it there and not responded to her sarcasm.

And then afterwards you keep trying to push her to talk with you? Okay, once, but now, just wait for her to contact you. Don't send anything more. And when she does respond, freeze for a little bit and wait to respond (we're talking maybe a day if you don't normally run into her around school, or if you do, then several hours, or wait until late evening).

Finally, no sex just because you live with your parents? You're 20 years old, and have no way to get to a motel or a park or the beach or anywhere private? There's no problem with not having sex with her because you want to wait for a relationship or have some moral conviction about it, or because you've tried and didn't yet know any LMR techniques or had a bad night. No problem there. But because ou live with your parents? Seems like an excuse to me...
Author:  paxis [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: She was all over me then she said nothing
Quote:
Quote:
She then, seeing that I didn't send her a sms, said "oh thank you for the sms". After that, I sent her a sms from other phone telling "I have no money on my phone. How did the trip went?", she didn't reply. Next day I said "hey pokemon :)" (kidding, same thing I did sometimes with her). She didn't reply, so I haven't said anything else until today... I mean, I won't say anything else until she says to me something.
So she asked you to send a message. Ok. She could just want to transfer the conversation to her phone. That's cool. But then you can't because you have no money. Not a problem. She tells you she's upset (in not so many words) that you didn't text her, so you supplicate and text her? You walked right into her shit test. Now she sees that you're easy to control and that you're trying beyond your means to please her.

You should have responded back on Facebook that you couldn't text her. Or just left it there and not responded to her sarcasm.

And then afterwards you keep trying to push her to talk with you? Okay, once, but now, just wait for her to contact you. Don't send anything more. And when she does respond, freeze for a little bit and wait to respond (we're talking maybe a day if you don't normally run into her around school, or if you do, then several hours, or wait until late evening).

Finally, no sex just because you live with your parents? You're 20 years old, and have no way to get to a motel or a park or the beach or anywhere private? There's no problem with not having sex with her because you want to wait for a relationship or have some moral conviction about it, or because you've tried and didn't yet know any LMR techniques or had a bad night. No problem there. But because ou live with your parents? Seems like an excuse to me...
Dude, that was too much mathematical.
IMO, things aren't so black and white, and they aren't so black and white, because there is a past. In our past, the needy one was her, the insecure one was her, the jealous one was her, the "mother of all questions about your ex/etc/etc" was her, the "hey pokemon" was her, I even sometimes rejected her in a playful way and I'm way less available to her than she's to me. Believe, because I've done so many mistakes in the past that I know actually I'm doing less than I did, so I think I have a little credit to fail one shit test (if it was one). Moreover, I may be wrong, but if I was supplicating, then I'd tried to talk to her more than 2 times, which I haven't lol and I won't say a thing until she tells me something.

But hey, I may be wrong. I just think that things aren't so black or white, you can mess up a time or 2, especially if you control the relationship.

Oh btw, we see each other 2 times a week.
Author:  P1nkstar [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Might be more simple, she feels like she's losing her grip on you... so she tries to retake the grip (you thinking of her, feeling things for her, etc) by not contacting you...

and see what happens... you are waiting for her to txt you... so she did a great job.
if this is true, she will be contacting you soon enough... just wait.

my opinion.
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 4:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Paxis, I agree with you. Sorry if it came across as attacking you or claiming it was over. You've lost the battle, not the war, and I was trying to point out what made you lose and show you how you could turn it to your advantage. You can definitely fail at one point but if you get back on it quickly, you can recover, as long as it's not too often.

The supplicating was just referring to you messaging her when it was extremely out of your way, just to make her happy, and saying to her "I'm willing to go out of my way just to message you, even when it's an inconvenience to me, because I'm willing to do anything". That's what it came across as, because it was a test. Now sometimes, this is unavoidable. If you hadn't messaged you at all, she could have actively complained about it because she just wants to stir trouble. I don't know her or the situation. But at this point, you've done what you can, and just need to sit back for a while.

Good luck, man! :wink:
Author:  paxis [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
No problem dude, maybe I overreacted and if so, I'm sorry for that.

Concerning the texting, well, now I can see that it probably was kinda outta my way, but, on the other hand, she wasn't the only person who I texted with other phone and she knows it.

And it may be a long shot, but... when she arrives from her vacations, I can for sure bet she will get jealous, because her friend and I are really tagging along very well, so I think it is good :)

But let me tell you something. Every time I am with friends of mine, I usually take about 1 hour to answer her sms and she gets kinda nuts about that, so I think, relating to the questions of texting, etc, I still have the upper hand :)

Anyway, I agree with you, I can no longer do anything, otherwise my position would get worse.
Today I'm gonna sleep at her friend's house (the one she's jealous about) and I know she'll know that, so I think... well, it's a game :)

@pinkstar
Probably. I really can't say for sure, nobody can.

The only thing I can do is to wait, so I'm going to keep doing it.
Author:  paxis [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well guess what, she texted me lol.
"heyy silly :p just to tell you I'm gonna be here until the end of the week. hope everything's great over there. kiss"

Should I ignore or answer tomorrow?
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would answer tomorrow or even late (9 or 10ish) tonight. She looks like she's feeling you again, and though you don't want to lose control, you definitely don't want to miss the opportunity!
Author:  paxis [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
if i answer i doubt she'll reply, so wouldn't it be better if i answer tomorrow or so and being more in the mood of "i don't give a fuck"?
Author:  TheFreshPrince [ Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah. Sure. No problem.
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