I like it. I would use a little more subtle language and not open with something like this. Opening with this would give her reason to doubt you. I would use something like this when I have already have like 2-3minutes bantering with her, that way what you say about her is really taken as true. I would use it when you have hooked the set, when you notice that she is enjoying the conversation with you, when you notice that she is part of the conversation (this does not take long as long as you are relaxed and comfortable).
If you use this as an opener, she will become defensive because you are somewhat attacking her essence. Once you know her a little more, this kind of frontal statements are less questionable and she will be eatting out of your palm.

Hey Speed Seducers!
What do you think about my opener below? I'm about to test it.
Check it out:

"I have an intuition about you... you're lonely. You go out every single day, and you dress up with incredible care, JUST hoping someone (SP) would notice you. But INSTEAD you get all those losers (point outside of you) hanging around you and YOU go home frustrated because you're forced to say more No's than Yes. But when a man, a rare man (SP) touches you deep inside this is when you just LET GO COMPLETELY, LISTEN CAREFULLY, REALLY LOOK, AND HANG ON EVERY WORD, it's like the rest of the environment disappears and you gotta find out more about this person (SP)..."

SP = self point.

Enjoy and comment!