We all have our reasons for being here, and I would like to share mine. I haven’t told anyone what I’m about to tell you, this feels like a safe environment and I need to share.
It might be quite a read and I won’t blame you for skipping but when you do finish these 1300 words that sum up my situation please share your thoughts. I’d like to hear from you.
My name is Parcival(27) and this is my story.
I was the Nice Guy Robert A. Glover wrote about.
I’ve never been into the whole dating , pick-up and seduction thing. I always believed love would just happen ‘I’m a nice guy! A sensitive guy. I’m different! Sooner or later a girl will see this, fall for me and marry me.’ I took pride in being the Nice Guy and avoided chasing woman and clubs.
Well it worked.
Like most Nice Guys I was obsessed with one girl. 8 Years ago I won her hearth by offering security and obedience. This was not a smart choice. She had major abandonment issues and needed constant control. Anytime I acted on my own interest’s I got manipulated back into her control. Of course I did not notice this at the time. Friends and family warned me but I didn’t care, I was in love.
So this continued for about 7 years, slowly crumbling my ME, shaping me into what she needed. Eventually I got depressed, I felt like I had no control over my life. A year later she left me. She wanted a more alpha-male. I don’t blame her, I was a wreck.
And so the rebuild started.
It took me 2 weeks to realise this breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me. My whole world revolved around her and when she left it evaporated. There was nothing left. Scary at first but the freedom was intoxicating! I could finally discover ME, do ME! It was glorious, I was evolving and everyone around me noticed.
Then the anger grew.
At first I thought I was angry because she left me. Then I realised I was angry because she did not leave me sooner. I wasted 8 years. 8 years of sacrificing everything, for what!? I missed out on so much!
The anger drove me.
I went to places I never dared to go before. Any opportunity to leave my comfort zone I grappled with a passion. If I stayed comfortable for too long, the anger grew and drove me mad. I remember this one night, I had not gone out in 5 days. It was a Tuesday and I just snuck out in the middle of the night, drove to an unfamiliar city and started hopping bars. Half a year ago I would never have even dreamt of doing this, but the anger.. The anger was uncontrollable.
I had no idea what I was doing, but at least I was doing something for a chance.
This continued for 4 months, no kiss-closes or lays.
I would start the dating when I had my confidence in order.
But then I met Her.
I met her in a pub (a friend of a friend), we instantly connected. A week later I invited her to join me and my friends in a bar. That was Wednesday , by Sunday night we had not been apart for more then 3 hours, sleeping at friends and her place. By Monday morning, we were in love. The anger was gone.( I think that if I hadn’t met her the anger would eventually cause me to self destruct.)
Way out of my league.
Where I had spend 8 years losing myself in a relationship, putting myself second, she had put herself first. She had been going out and on adventures all the time. She was a major pick-up, slept with dozens of guys and had the most amazing/ridiculous story’s to tell. Strangers could see it when she passed them on the street; she lived. Boys fell for her by the bunch, she still receives texts daily from strangers wanting to meet up. Confident, persistent and hot, her adventures shaped her to become an amazing woman. Way out of my league.
She had finished the journey that I had only just discovered.
She asked me:
‘If you commit to me won’t you feel like you missed out on life, I’m done with adventures and dating, I’m looking to settle. Are you?’ I had been ready to settle my entire life up until 4 months ago, life has a weird sense of humour like that. I Told her I would feel like I missed out from time to time but in the end she is what I want. Even tough I didn’t have my adventures, I do get to skip right to the end. And there was nothing that would keep me from being with her. I still believe this.
The return of the anger.
The anger slowly made it’s return since we became official. It used my jealousy of her adventures to feed the fear that I am not good/experienced enough. It used her adventures to create insecurities. In an attempt to bring myself ’to her level’ I asked her to explain dating/clubbing and one-night-stands to me (yes, I truly had no idea how this worked). The story’s made the anger(/jealousy/insecurity) worse, but learning about ‘the game’ seemed to ease the anger. Understanding gave me the feeling I could do it too, which gave me the feeling I was more on her level, which soothed the anger.
The forum
Learning about dating, confidence, the game soon let me here: the PUA forum. After some browsing trough the posts about AA I found Stormys thread about frame control and being high value. I realised this is not just about picking up woman, it’s about evolving yourself to your greatest potential, overcoming social anxiety, building confidence and creating social value. I felt at home with my anger and ambitions. So I kept reading, pretty much anytime I’m alone I pick up my phone and read. The book Models really spoke to me and I’m currently halfway trough The Game.
This is something you just can´t learn in a book.
As said many times on this forum, pick-up (or social evolving as I like to call it) is not something you can learn from books. It’s mastered by experience, approach after approach. The things I’ve learned so far are already having positive effects on my interactions and my relationship. Especially learning about the ‘Needy-problem’ has a tremendous effect on those who tend to be a Nice Guy like me. (I think everyone should read Models by Mark Mason.) But to truly become higher value, to become truly confident and social gifted, you need field experience, and lots of it.
The here and now.
So that’s my story. I read this forum and the books daily. Finding ways to improve myself and using this anger to motivate me to do so. I’ve kept this a secret from her, she won’t believe I’m here for self improvement, she’ll think I’m here to learn how to cheat on her. I would never cheat on her, she is a million times the girl I used to date, she helps me become a better me. I am happy.
But then there are times where I can’t shake the feeling that I just can’t compare. That I’ll never truly be on level with her because of all the life experience I’ve missed. Like there is always something that stands between us. These sleepless nights are hard. It makes me wonder if I could ever shake this anger. I don’t want it to destroy what I have.
So there it is.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s my ambition to become a better pick-up and higher social value than my girlfriend (without damaging my relationship with her) hoping this will resolve the anger/jealousy/insecurity I feel.
Reader,
I’d like to hear your take, your opinion on what I just shared with you.
Have you been in similar situations, and how did it work out?
And, in your opinion, is it even possible to do all of this without damaging my relationship?
It feels good to share.
Parcival
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