Helo!
Firstable, sorry for my english, but I'm sure you will understand me.
My name is Max, I'm 22, living in central Europe. I've never been good with women. I was growing up with no father and lots of family problems. In age of 14-17 I was in a deep depression, my younger sister went into drugs, so my mother put all attention towards her. I had no women and people who I could talk to, so I was crying in my bed, and the only contact with women was on the chat website. I had even a crush on a girl that I met on the internet LOL, never seen her in a real live, but I felt so validated. I'd talk with her on the telephone like 3 times and I remember how stressed I was talking to her. I was even afraid looking at women on the street - I started twitching like a chicken when Ive holded an eye contact with random person. I fell in love with girls that I'd talk to for like 3 minutes, mostly my sisters friends. But when she turned 15 she was sent for a drug rehabilitation till 18.
Everything has changed when I went to high school. After my crush on the internet girl I felt in love with a barbie looking girl from mid-school. I was so desperated to get the girl so I typed in google "how to pick up a woman". The tips were simple - Go and say that you like her. Unfortunately i wasn't that confident to strike on her, so I asked my friend which was my neighbour for her msg communicator. Well, nothing special happened.
I didn't get any special articles on the forum that I found on google, the main thing there was the natural game - be yourself etc. So I have focused on the education. Somehow at the end of the first class I found the David X book. I red it 10 times and I was shocked. That made me instantly confident. In a minute after reading this book I was able to look directly into random womens eyes. That was like an enlightenment. I felt like a God, but still I couldn't talk to any girl. I felt like this is not the time yet.
When I turned 17 my mother made up decision that she will leave to Germany for a work, so I had to stay alone for few months. I found some other stuff about pickup so I had a lot of things to do. It led to the point, that I wasn't going to school regulary. The whole days I was playing Diablo II and reading about self development haha. I focused mostly on a Mystery Method but I wasn't able to approach a girl. That was too much for me.
So in 31 december 2010 it has changed. As you can guess I have invited some friends to celebrete the new year. Id instantly get drunk and because we had no women around I went outside to find some. Unfortunately I didn't find any, so I grab some other friends and we went to other party. Walking there we've spotted a group of people (3 male, 2 women). This is my first approach in a live! I said "Happy new year!" hugging a girl from this set. We have talked for a minute, everybody was like WTF, the groups spread away, so I was 1on1 with the girl. She said that she has to go, so I grab her number and established a meeting in an hour. I was acting through my consciousness, feeling like this is simple and normal, like I was doing it for years. The fact is I was drunk and this is the only reason why I was able to act this way.
I returned to my set and everybody was shoked. We arrived the party and I started to introducing myself to everybody. I was the most enjoyable man in the room. I went for 2 almost instant kiss closes + some touching with girls that I knew for like a 10 minutes. Some other girls get angry, that I'm kissing her friend that I don't know. So I decided to leave. Walking home I met some other girls and grab a number. Went home, chatting on telephone with 2 of my friend friends, that I met next day.
After that, I've started to approach girls more often, but I didn't get any results, unless I was drunk. Few days after my first approaches I've pulled the only girl from a bar, but she was a virgin, so I was too scared to close her.
In the next summer I've met some people from my town that were into pickup. I went out few times but I didn't get any results. I tried to use the Mystery Method, but I wasn't congruent with it. The only positive results I had, happened when I was approaching directly, but in real I thought that the MM is the only reasonable method. I remember that I was asking a girls on the dancing floor if they can cook or another funny stuff. I had no clue how it should be looking like. Okay, I've seen The Pickup Artists and Key to the vips + some infields, but I had no outer game. I thought that the words are everything and nothing more is needed for success. That made me perfect in ONLINE game. I was really good, had a tones of horny girls waiting for me hah. My online profil was named "SEX" for a while, I hadn't perfect photos (I look really young through my face) but the girls were sending me their photos in the lingerie and also without. I'd set up a BOT to rate the girls profiles so I had like 100 msgs daily. I was very direct through my confidece, because I've done something that i though I will never do!
When my mother arrived back from Germany and she noticed my problems in school she decided to send me to the Psychologist and the Psychiatrist, which is needed for the diagnose. I received a Seronil for a depression. I enjoyed it, but i slept a lot. It pumped my confidence even more.
Well, after my bad nights in a club I've decided to quit the pickup. I didn't pass to the next class, cuz I wasn't even going there
So next year I've spended playing computer games, and ... I quit school... I don't remember so much things that happened when I was 19-21. I didn't do anything special. Just computer, some internet pickup, but I sucked in this. I was in depression, but I didn't feel it so much. I returned to school I've passed the high schools exams. I wasn't even preparing to this. I was bored of life and didn't see any direction. I felt like I've done everything that I had to do. In 20 i've met my first real girlfriend that i've been more then 1 week lol. I wasn't really in pickup this time so she left me after 3 weeks, cheating. I had a giant crush but I expected that. Moreover I've found out that she's pregnant. Ofc not with me. I had no sex with her, I wasn't ready for this but I reallllllly liked her. I was frustrated and picked up another girl from a website. She wanted to fuck me in 2 hours after we met up. That was my first time lol. I didn't even want to have sex with her, but she made it all. After all she went back home, I texted her, she didn't answer. I was laughing that I was so bad in the bed that she didn't respond LOL.
So I've achieved my goal. After this I lost all my desire and I didn't care of anything. I'm too lazy to go to work, I have a debt that I didn't pay off. I don't know if this is depression, but I don't feel like I want anything more from life. All I do is texting with girls online, reading books, watching movies (some rsd stuff.) In some point I want to continue my pickup journey, but not at all. I don't care of anything. I don't enjoy anything but i'm also not so sad.
Probably you all know the syndrome when you wait for the spark. So I'm in this moment of my life when I'm waiting for the spark, for new desires and goals. Maybe I have noone who can push me forward and motivate. I don't know.
Thank you if you red all, and leave your conclusions, please.