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I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
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Author:  sapphireiron [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 1:44 pm ]
Post subject:  I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Hi. New guy here, hoping that this is the start of a big transformation in my life.

The topic of women is something I have never been good at, and it is something that all guys dream of being great at. It is only recently that I have had the courage to initiate brief conversations with girls I have never met before- just basic chat with cashiers, waitresses etc. And I want more.

Lets lay down some info about myself;
I have a scorecard of 0
I have never had a real girlfriend (just playground stuff).
The furthest I have got with a girl is making out on the dance floor-once, and not very well.
I have the usual insecurities about my appearance-my face is the problem

What I have going for me;
When I am comfortable with a person, I can make them laugh
I have great rapport with my friends' girlfriends and wives (so I know I am likeable by the female population)
I am patient, but with a high motivation to learn, and not just quickly, but well.

Put me in the environment of a club and I can do nothing but think about the negative responses that I believe I would get from girls that sense they are getting hit on. Put me in a conversation with an attractive girl and I will dry up. Put me up against some guy which is better looking than me, and I will bow before him.

I need help.

What I learn will always be used with a respect for the art of what I am doing- I dig the whole great power and great responsibility thing.

I appreciate all the help.
Author:  Dragula [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 2:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Welcome bro

I too started off in a similar position.

Step 1 would be to study some theories. I recommend to start off with:

Models - Mark Manson
http://amzn.to/1xmTwPo

It is kind of anti pick up, but is shaves off all the bull shit that all the other shitty companies focus on.

After this, you will want to keep reading more and more theories but the reality is that you will be just avoiding action. You need to take action

Step 2 would be to find some wings, find your local lair or use this forum to find some. Then go out as much as you can, make sure you do not spectate. Get stuck in!

If you still can't do this, then I would suggest to lay down some money on the line and book a weekend bootcamp (most major cities will have one) so that this forces you to take action otherwise it will be a waste of money. This is what I did and it was the crucial push that I needed to keep taking consistent action and I now I am very happy with my love life. I do not give the bootcamp credit but I give myself credit for pushing myself. Don't expect the bootcamp to turn you into Casanova in one weekend. There is still a lot of work to be done.

Once you go out consistently, you will find that you get some opportunities on a plate. If you find that your fear of losing virginity tends to sabotage yourself, then I would recommend to go see a pretty escort and get it out of the way, there is no shame in it. Virgins tend to find the smallest flaws in women and use that as an excuse to not fuck her. Make sure you're aware that you are doing this to yourself.

If that is not for you. Then fair enough. But just male sure you don't sabotage yourself and don't wait for the perfect 10 - they just don't exist. Instead adopt a 'Yes, I would like to bang' or 'No, I would not' rating system
Author:  Jasahi [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 4:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Quote:
my face is the problem
Look at this guy brother... know him? He is Serge Gainsbourg... a popular French singer from the 70s-80s...
Ugly man (you can find worse pictures actually), he used to call himself "The man with a cabbage-like head" because of his large ears...

Image

Yet he got many HBs in his life, including Jane Birkin and Brigitte Bardot:

Image
Image

Oh he did not get there in one day for sure (so as said Pebble dont hope for a 10's right away)! But he eventually made it! So believe me my friend, your face is not the problem! The problem is your lack of confidence and game! And you have come to the right place to fix it...

Best of luck!

PS/ By the way, is that OK to ask you how old you are?
Author:  Jasahi [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 4:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
And to definitely close the "appearance" topic, here is Neil Strauss, the author of the best-seller "The Game", which is a nice read too for you... After and before he became a pick-up artist..
Image

A bit of confidence, in-depth relooking and nice clothing can change you a man and other's perception!
Author:  sapphireiron [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Firstly, Pebble. Thanks for your response. I have already come across a lot of your responses to others, and I am learning already. I will start to look at some theories, and like you say, I am going to get stuck in. In fact I am heading out tonight, even if it is just to set a mark for myself.

I will give myself a few months of self help to see where I get to, and if I feel I will benefit from it, then a bootcamp may be in order.

Sexually, I definitely feel that my lack of experience would show when it got down to it, that is a scare point. Also you have hit the nail on the head with the whole finding flaws in women as an excuse (usually “too slutty” or “she’s not up for it”). It’s something that I may do another post on actually, but I always imagined losing my virginity to a girlfriend that was a virgin too, that way it would be a level playing field. The time has come though to get it out of my system, and improve from there.

Secondly, Jasahi, thanks for your input.

I have actually recently started reading Neil Strauss’ book, and have noticed just what you have highlighted- that it is not appearance that determines success, but actually a collection of other skills, notably, self confidence which I am completely aware of how much I have to improve.

And of course, I’m 22.
Author:  DrewDating [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
self help is a life journey - nonetheless, welcome to the pua community!
Author:  fudge_88 [ Sat Mar 28, 2015 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Hey man, good job on taking the steps to get this stuff handled.

Welcome to the forum.
Quote:
Hi. New guy here, hoping that this is the start of a big transformation in my life.

The topic of women is something I have never been good at, and it is something that all guys dream of being great at. It is only recently that I have had the courage to initiate brief conversations with girls I have never met before- just basic chat with cashiers, waitresses etc. And I want more.

Lets lay down some info about myself;
I have a scorecard of 0
I have never had a real girlfriend (just playground stuff).
The furthest I have got with a girl is making out on the dance floor-once, and not very well.
I have the usual insecurities about my appearance-my face is the problem

What I have going for me;
When I am comfortable with a person, I can make them laugh
I have great rapport with my friends' girlfriends and wives (so I know I am likeable by the female population)
I am patient, but with a high motivation to learn, and not just quickly, but well.

Put me in the environment of a club and I can do nothing but think about the negative responses that I believe I would get from girls that sense they are getting hit on. Put me in a conversation with an attractive girl and I will dry up. Put me up against some guy which is better looking than me, and I will bow before him.

I need help....

I appreciate all the help.
That is great that you are of the student mentality and you remove your ego out of the equation with a willingness to grow.

PM me if you have any questions about specifics, or create a forum post and pull from the knowledge of the few guys who are good with women on this forum.
Author:  JayJay90 [ Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
I agree with the others, sounds like your main issue here is just a lack of self confidence.

You said you have great rapport when you feel comfortable around people so you know you know your a good person deep-down which is a great foundation. You just need to build on that now until you realize you are who you are and if you meet someone who isn't interested, fuck them, there's 7 billion other people out there.

Find your best assets and work to develop them. Confidence is feeling that requires committed action but if you're prepared to put in the work the results will transform your life.
Author:  breedlove465 [ Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I sound like an average new guy, but I don't want to be
Quote:
I have the usual insecurities about my appearance-my face is the problem
What's wrong with your face? Acne? Deformity? Cleft lip?

While you are studying theory, if you are dead serious about bettering yourself, set some self goals. Get in shape, lose weight if you need to, find a career and put some effort into it, dress yourself properly and put some thought in to how you look etc.

Welcome.
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