Some people say I’m lucky. As if I’m in the “ideal” situation. I’m not sure if I agree, but I am where I am.
About half a year ago my wife called me while on a cruise with her mother and sister and told me, via the telephone, that she was no longer in love with me. The exact details are private at not appropriate for this venue. Long story short; my wife was damaged early in life because men didn’t treat her with the respect all women deserve. She is currently undergoing therapy because she has general anxiety about men and can’t be in relationship with me or anyone until she heals and fully explores the implications of her past.
So here I am. Married, but separated. I’m 99% free and was given her blessing until further notice. I truly don’t know if I’m looking for another Mrs. Right, a few Ms Right Nows, or if I’m just stalling for time. I got into “the game” because, following this catastrophe, I tried to go out and failed spectacularly. I’m not sure I ever had true game. I met my ex at the age of 21 so I never had a chance to go out to the bars and practice the art of picking up women. At 26, I found that whatever skills I had developed had faded. After many months of tears, reflecting, soul searching and even some therapy, I decided that the best thing to do was to find a way to move on. This is why I am here now at 27.
I spent months pouring over books of psychology, body language and the pickup classics. I went out, practiced a few things, and followed a few “naturals” to learn their tricks. My natural friends, while possessing game, were doomed to hit the glass ceiling. They never developed a respect for the art. They never understood picking up women is a game of social psychology. One buddy even told me “you know. I’ve been with probably 90 women, but I’m not sure any of them were as hot as your wife.” I didn’t need a friend. I needed a wing.
I had to find a new apartment and I responded to one of the cheapest ads I found on craigslist. The first night my rommie and I hung out he mentioned NLP. He is fascinated with the psychology of human interaction. I progressively introduced him to the theory of the pickup arts and he had to have a piece of it.
This is the account of my first ever attempt at practicing everything I had learned with a formal wing:
We both realize our largest sticking point was the cold approach. We both have confidence, but approaching any stranger without a flimsy situational excuse proved difficult. Our goal for our first "Sarge" was to refine the approach. Women be damned. We were going to learn how to game a whole room.
We go out to the bar and have a few beers. We sit at the bar looking awkward tying to muster up the courage to start. ETOH isn’t a good way to build confidence, but a little courage juice never hurts. We sit at the bar awkwardly avoiding the first approach. I coax him into asking a mixed 6 set a simple question and he returns. They didn’t open up to him. I ask him about what happened and comment how he forgot the time constraint. He never made that same mistake twice.
I try my hand in the same bar. One women jumps startled as she pivots and turns her back the exact same time I try and run a routine over my shoulder. I return a failure. We follow our original plan and focus on the guys. The room opens up to us, but we decide to leave because our social proof was dashed because we sat at the bar for so long trying to muster up courage.
This wouldn’t happen again.
The beer starts to hit us. Lucid but loose, my wing approaches a mixed 3 set and, peering over his left shoulder, asks them “excuse me, we are new to the area and looking for some good bars?” The set opens up to us. They tell us exactly what they think. There is no anxiety from anyone. We had a few scripted stacks and openers but this wasn’t one of them… we just wanted to know.
Empowered by the success, we start working on street approaches. “Quick question” I said over my shoulder, “which is a better city to have a good time; Portland or Seattle?” Worked like a charm. I had spent too much time developing this opener, but it worked regardless. Everyone had an opinion. Those who didn’t have a true opinion still gave one (Portland won 75% of the time BTW). We continue to practice now using the “bar opener,” mixing in the “Portland v Seattle” and our successes mount. People aren’t threatened by us. People like us.
My wing does three sets in a row on the street. We see two guys behind us and it’s my turn. “Quick question; Oh Hey!” I awkwardly yell as I realize that it’s my ex’s best friend. Yep that ex. My wing doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps running the routines. Her friend is a good guy. I like him, but he was not the thing I was hoping to run into. A little fazed, we find a polite way to exit the set after I tell him who this guy was.
We continue practicing the street approach. Each success builds more confidence which builds more success. We constantly monitor our progress and reevaluate the exact language we use both verbal and body. Women start to notice we are wearing the same shirt. While getting dressed, by coincidence we both chose maroon. We shortly debated changing before we left, but decided it would be fun to see what happened. We confidently play it off as if it was pure coincidence (which it was). From that, we developed a new routine: “Quick question. Which is better; scarves or ties?” Etc. Every woman had an opinion. One of which insisted she voice her opinion even as her boyfriend was towing her away.
The wing does a few more so now it’s my turn. A 2 set approaches us from the front on the sidewalk. I swap spots so that they can be adjacent to me as I casually look over my left shoulder once they reach the optimal angle. He hangs back so as to make us appear less threatening. “Quick question; which is a better city to have a good time in… oh Hey Heather.” Another one of my ex’s best friends! I kid you not. Again, my wing doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps running the routine. They tell us the bar they thought was most fun (the bar we started at). Again I’m a little shaken. I let my wing know the situation and we exit the set.
I need to get my poker face back so we run a few more sets. Now were we stacking the openers. A 2 set got the “Seattle V Portland” and my wing follows with “Ties V Scares.” As we talk, we come to an intersection. We point South. They point West. We run the “bars” routine and these girls offer to lead us to their favorite place changing direction so as to follow us South. They led us to a lesbian bar and were more than likely lesbians themselves… but weren’t out to meet women. We were learning the approach and made these women feel comfortable enough to divert their paths and lead two strangers to a bar.
On the street, you only have so long with the audience. Stacking the questions in a particular order made everyone love us. “Seattle V Portland” showed we wanted to have a good time. “Ties V Scarves” forced the women to compliment one of us while subtly highlighting our peacock. The “Bars” routine gave us a screen for where fun times were to be had (and who might be there when we arrive). We have probably opened 30 people on the streets which only paid dividends.
In a city of half million, there are only so many people out on any given night. We go back to the bar we started at and instantly the SPAM changed. We had left because we felt as if we had gamed the room poorly. Now many of the people we met on the streets recognized us and immediately made us the popular kids as we had entered.
By ignoring the women, focusing on just opening new people, we had succeeded more than we thought possible. We had become the people that everybody knew or wanted to know. We had become the hot chicks.
I walk over the to bar hoping to open a new set. I see Heather sitting next to my Ex! On my first ever night “sarging” I run into the woman who had put the wrench in the gears six months ago. I focus on her. I love her. I know she loves me. I can’t divert my attention. Not because I have “oneitis” but because on the inside, a one Patrick Stewart was performing the largest facepalm on this side of the internet. My wing continues the routines. He gets heather to buy him a drink and I don’t even notice. As I’m talking to her, he notices that my mood has shifted and, as I shield the corner of my mouth with my open palm, I lip “that’s my ex.” He doesn’t even know the backstory… but he ran into my past 3x in one night. “The bar” routine was made up on the spot and was more powerful than we realized. It demonstrated that we are fun, non-threatening and told us where people were going. This routine which we had developed by accident backfired. Remember it was the bar that Heather told us was fun.
I talk to my ex for a few minutes. I give her a kiss on the cheek and she exits gracefully. Dejected, my wing buys me another drink and we bounce. As I’m still recuperating, he runs more game and convinces a 3 set to give us free weed (it’s legal in my state
). I found out the next day that she was only planning on having one drink because she was still having painful anxiety about being in public around men.I was having trouble being social. I knew I had to get out of my funk so we walked the streets more. I approach a 2 set. “Quick question” I say over my shoulder, “my friend and I were having a debate, which is a better city to have a good time in; Portland or Seattle?” As I ask, we stay stationary and they close in. My wing stacks the “Ties V Scarves.” I run the “best friends test” and they are enthralled asking if I was a psychology major. We finally ask the bar routine and the girls demand we escort them to their favorite bar. We walk them there but left them to the aether of the night. We weren’t going to chase women. Tonight was about learning the approach.
We decide to call it an evening. After about 50 approaches, we failed only twice. Two were mediocre and the rest were success after even larger success. We drive home, we buy more beer, and we smoke the prize we had won with nothing but our social skills. Neither of us can sleep because we are more pumped than we thought possible. It’s true what I read so often: One of the best parts of sarging is hanging out with your wing both before, during, and after the night.
My situation is unique. I wouldn’t say I’m a AFC. I wouldn’t say I’m a PUA (yet). Regardless; this is how I got into the game. This was my first real attempt at sarging. It was a night I won’t soon forget.
Does anyone have a quality exercise to practice next? I think I’m over the approach anxiety.