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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 10:42 am 
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Hi. I worked for this company as a consultant for 1.5 years. This girl who worked FT at the company sat next to me was stuck up, high-maintenance, narrow-minded, beautiful, sexy and witty girl. For the first few months I hated her because she was just mean to me. She always had something to say about what I was doing, eating, etc. One thing that always irritated me was when she said "You're so weird" in a disgusted, not playful way about my extremely healthy heating habits, the fact that I would eat two lunches, that I didn't drink during the week, and that I went to the same bars on the weekend. It always made me second guess myself, doubt myself, make me feel like I was doing something wrong.

Over time, her, another guy who worked at the company, and I became friendly via group chat. We chatted every day about people in the office, things we did over the weekend, etc. I soon began to feel accepted. Over time this girl and I would go out to lunch together, and then we would always be the last ones left at happy hour and we would get in to real heart to heart conversations. I loved it, I felt like I was cracking open her hard shell, like her walls were coming down. After 1.5 years when my consultantcy ran up, I left the company. She sent me a text when I left saying how much fun the last 18 months were and how it was an end of an era. How she would miss our daily chats and everything.

Now its 8 months later and I am going back for another project at her company. A week prior to actually starting, I went in to meet with the client for 30 minutes. While I was there, I didn't have time to stay and stop by her desk, but she knew I was in the building. After I left, I got a text from her saying "Um...you couldn't even stop by to say hi?" I told her I was legitimately in a rush (I was heading to another meeting) and she wrote back "Unacceptable". I am pretty sure she was just teasing.

Now I am back at the office, I don't sit next to her anymore, but am on her floor, and I have noticed she has become very cold towards me. I IM'd her and we spoke for a few mins but she wasn't that engaging. When I saw her in the pantry, you could tell there was tension. It felt really awkward. Then a couple days later, I asked her out to lunch to catch up. She said yes but the following day. The following day, I asked if she was ready to go, and she said she was so hungover and asked if we could do coffee instead. I said sure. When we were on our way out she said that Christina (this other girl who worked with us) wanted to get coffee too. So the 3 of us went. i was really annoyed at that point - I felt like she clearly did not want to be one on one with me.

The following week she posted something on Instagram about her in a cryotherapy tank as a spa SPAM. I had genuinely been interested in doing that as well (I'm a health nut) and asked her about it in person the following day. She made me feel so uncomfortable when I asked her about it...like i was crazy and super weird for asking about it. She made me feel stupid for any question I asked about it - like the question was dumb or I was dumb. I was so upset. It was as if she didn't know me. I was really confused by the way she was acting. It made me so intimidated and jogged my memory to the first time I met her - when I hated her for calling me weird or just acting annoyed whenever I said something.

After that conversation, I stopped engaging with her completely. My ego was shot and I felt completely rejected. I didn't approach her or talk to her or look in her direction whenever I walked by her desk on the way to the bathroom. After about 3 days, yesterday, the Friday before a long weekend, she was walking by my desk and in a kind tone she said "hey Z, have a good weekend" as she passed my desk. I was totally caught off guard that she would even say anything. I had a delayed reaction and said "thanks.....then you too a few seconds later." I was puzzled by the whole thing.

I still feel really shitty about how she treated me earlier in the week, and her excuses for not being able to have lunch and feel like I am being manipulated by her. Looks like a power struggle, or some internal strife she has with herself...when I gave her attention earlier in the week, she wanted NONE of it. she treated me like I was scum, and then when I retreated for a few days, she approached me. I really don't understand or appreciate this behavior from her. I want to make it known, but I also don't want to make a thing of it.

Tell me what your thoughts are. Should I just stick to my guns and continue remaining disengaged or should I lighten up? I definitely still don't feel a connection there, and it is just painful for me to talk to her now. I would like everyone else's opinion too.

Thanks,
Z


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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 2:38 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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What do you want from her?

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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 8:14 pm 
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First I want acceptance. I also want her to be physically attracted to me, to want to come over to me, to want to spend time with me. I guess I also want her to be interested in dating me, but I want the other two things first and foremost.


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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 8:34 pm 
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First I want acceptance. I also want her to be physically attracted to me, to want to come over to me, to want to spend time with me. I guess I also want her to be interested in dating me, but I want the other two things first and foremost.
You're problem is that you want to take the feminine role. You want to send her the signals so she can approach you and that doesn't work for men because it's not masculine. If you want her to accept you as an attractive man that will be interested in dating him, you have to act like one. Don't invite her to lunch, invite her to drinks after work. Don't have heart to heart conversations at the bar, take her home and have them on your couch. Quit making moves hoping for reassurance because women tend to follow a man's lead (even though they'll show resistance at times). If she absolutely refuses to follow your lead, you know she's not interested. It may be disappointing but at least you'll be able to move on to the next woman that will follow your lead.

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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 9:44 pm 
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What if I just want to focus on acceptance. How do I get that?


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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 9:52 pm 
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What if I just want to focus on acceptance. How do I get that?
You were accepted before. Do that again.

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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2017 10:04 pm 
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After that conversation, I stopped engaging with her completely. My ego was shot and I felt completely rejected.
I've been here in the past. The best advice I got was to not give a FLYING FUCK about her reactions or moods. You owe her nothing.

Also you're posting in a pickup forum so you're going to get the advice that you need to be meeting a lot more women. When you do this, your give a shit meter will pretty much always be between 0 and 3.


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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 1:22 am 
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Quote:
Hi. I worked for this company as a consultant for 1.5 years. This girl who worked FT at the company sat next to me was stuck up, high-maintenance, narrow-minded, beautiful, sexy and witty girl. For the first few months I hated her because she was just mean to me. She always had something to say about what I was doing, eating, etc. One thing that always irritated me was when she said "You're so weird" in a disgusted, not playful way about my extremely healthy heating habits, the fact that I would eat two lunches, that I didn't drink during the week, and that I went to the same bars on the weekend. It always made me second guess myself, doubt myself, make me feel like I was doing something wrong.


Her: You're so weird.
You: I love it.

Love yourself, or no one else will.

Quote:
The following week she posted something on Instagram about her in a cryotherapy tank as a spa SPAM. I had genuinely been interested in doing that as well (I'm a health nut) and asked her about it in person the following day. She made me feel so uncomfortable when I asked her about it...like i was crazy and super weird for asking about it.

It was weird.

Instead of acting like a dominant male and asking her out for drinks during the evening, you cyber stalked her, then mentioned a detail of her life. If a girl did this to me, Id be creeped out too. It shows over-investment and neediness. And these point to a potentially emotionally-uncentered man.



Quote:
Looks like a power struggle, or some internal strife she has with herself...when I gave her attention earlier in the week, she wanted NONE of it. she treated me like I was scum, and then when I retreated for a few days, she approached me. I really don't understand or appreciate this behavior from her. I want to make it known, but I also don't want to make a thing of it.

You're acting neurotic, bro. You have never even TOUCHED this woman. She has done nothing for you, EVER. You aren't in a relationship. You are nothing more than work acquaintances. She owes you nothing....nothing at all.

Go out and meet other women. Hit the gym. Engage in hobbies you are passionate about.

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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 9:18 am 
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Wrong she does owe me something as a friend at the very least. You don't treat each other that way or make them feel weird for talking to you. Everyone looks at everyone's Instagram now. We friended each other a while ago so it's not weird to act like I've seen it. Pretending I didn't see anything is just dumb.


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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 9:20 am 
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Quote:
What if I just want to focus on acceptance. How do I get that?
You were accepted before. Do that again.

Thanks man good point. I was just myself before. That's what I am being now. I'm not going to change myself for another. That's why I'm confused she's not responding well to my natural 'weirdness 'that she accepted in the past.


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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 1:54 pm 
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Wrong she does owe me something as a friend at the very least. You don't treat each other that way or make them feel weird for talking to you. Everyone looks at everyone's Instagram now. We friended each other a while ago so it's not weird to act like I've seen it. Pretending I didn't see anything is just dumb.
No. You're acting incredibly neurotic.

Move on.

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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 3:33 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
What if I just want to focus on acceptance. How do I get that?
You were accepted before. Do that again.

Thanks man good point. I was just myself before. That's what I am being now. I'm not going to change myself for another. That's why I'm confused she's not responding well to my natural 'weirdness 'that she accepted in the past.
Here's the problem. She knows you're attracted to her and at some point she was attracted to you but you never made you're move. Now you want to restart that cycle all over again.

Rejection puts you in a vulnerable position and no man or woman likes to experience it with the people that they are attracted to. Since women are the one's that are normally pursued, they don't have to put themselves in the position to be rejected. You're going to get yourself to the point of being accepted as a friend again and you're going to frustrate yourself by hitting that same wall that you were with her the first time because you don't want to take a risk.

Try this with her OP: I used to have a crush on you but I never said anything because you always called me weird (Put it in your own words but that message has to be delivered).

Then change the subject without allowing her to react. If she warms up to you on the next interaction, it's because she's open/curious to seeing where things can go with you.

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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2017 12:31 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Wrong she does owe me something as a friend at the very least. You don't treat each other that way or make them feel weird for talking to you. Everyone looks at everyone's Instagram now. We friended each other a while ago so it's not weird to act like I've seen it. Pretending I didn't see anything is just dumb.
No. You're acting incredibly neurotic.

Move on.
Good luck being inauthentic. Let me know how that works out for you.


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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2017 4:48 pm 
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You can't be authentic if you're emotionally un-centered, or women will run from you. You have to change and improve.

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PostPosted: Mon May 29, 2017 5:20 pm 
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Yeah the instagram thing was weird. Unless I guess if you have a good history of commenting on posts. But anyways....chick was not your friend and it sounds like you 2 didn't do anything outside of work situations. And yes you're being neurotic for looking for acceptance from a chick. The way you talk man...it's clear all this is a symptom of a poor dating life. If you had options this chicks acceptance wouldn't matter to you. Fix that


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