At a cross-roads: What happened to the chemistry?



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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 11:17 pm 
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I’ll keep this one short and sweet. Looking for some guidance on where to move this.

Connected about 4 months ago, She’s a regular, long text-er, always showing interest, always takes my calls and agrees to everything I plan (i’ve been leading.) HB8, cute as hell. Lots of guy mates, and very active social life, long-time single, not much past relationship experience.

- Connected via mutual friends
- Casual first date followed by coffee the following day
- Drink followed by dinner date - Chemistry, KINO but no close
- Next date, couldn’t have gone better: Chemistry, heavy KINO and kiss-close. Drunkenly Stayed over at her place but no sex
- Date the following day, playful, lots of chemistry
- Next date less kino, less kissing , failed to escalate
- Bumped into randomly, was with her friend, introduced me and was basically showing me off, despite being short,
lots of kino and a good ‘vibe’ all around.
- Next date, same as previous date, less kino but she opened up a lot which was refreshing…
- Next date I take her away for a night and rent a place as a surprise, she agreed prior, little kino again, no
intimacy, failed to escalate.

Playing this back it seems there was a peak in chemistry for a couple of dates, and despite staying at hers, my attempts both then and now are failing to close and escalate into more. My initial thoughts:

ONE: I’ve missed my windows to make it BLATANTLY obvious that i’m into her, however I find this hard to believe since I’m not sure I could of done more without coming across needy

TWO: She now has other options / guys on the go and is now getting most of her ‘attention’ from other sources - but continues to agree to meet me, and texts me (?)

THREE: I’ve been nudged into some weird region between casually dating and friend zone, despite agreeing to me taking her away a day/night (this might explain the former?)

FOUR: I either stop putting effort into this, move on to someone else and if things spark up again great OR tell her what I want and see if she opens up / clarifies confusion. I’m not sure if she thinks my hesitance to see each other so close together is sending her the wrong message, when in actual fact this is due to being genuinely busy (running a company.) My motto is quality not quantity, specially during the early stages when I will begin to invest more time (like taking her away as mentioned...)

I won't be investing more time unless there is a significant shift: What would you do next?

Thanks in advance!

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Last edited by the6800 on Fri May 19, 2017 12:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 11:52 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 am
Posts: 2540
Quote:
Connected about 4 months ago, She’s a regular, long text-er, always showing interest, always takes my calls and agrees to everything I plan (i’ve been leading.) HB8, cute as hell. Lots of guy mates, and very active social life, long-time single, not much past relationship experience.

Sounds like a socially valuable woman.

Quote:
- Connected via mutual friends
- Casual first date followed by coffee the following day

Translation: The forced coffee date was a side-effect of failing to escalate on the first date.

Quote:
- I initiate an official, dinner-date one evening - Chemistry, KINO but no close

Friends don't let friends do dinner dates. It's too much, too soon. Meet for a drink.

Is this the second date, and no kiss????

Quote:
- Next date, couldn’t have gone better: Chemistry, heavy KINO and kiss-close. Stayed over but no sex

What the fuck? Yes, it most certainly could've gone better. when a woman stays over, escalate. Act like you have a dick, or you'll get friend-zoned.

Quote:
- Date the following day, playful, lots of chemistry, k-close
No such thing as a "K-close".

Quote:
- Next date less kino, barely k-close, failed to escalate
Dude, you've been failing to escalate this entire time.
Quote:
- Bumped into randomly, was with her friend, introduced me and was basically showing me off, despite being short,
lots of kino and a good ‘vibe’ all around.
None of this matters.

Quote:
- Next date, same as previous date, less kino but she opened up a lot which was refreshing…
Welcome to the friend-zone. You're now her therapist instead of her lover.

Quote:
Playing this back it seems there was a peak in chemistry for a couple of dates, and despite staying at hers, my attempts both then and now are failing to close and escalate into more. My initial thoughts:

ONE: I’ve missed my windows to make it BLATANTLY obvious that i’m into her, however I find this hard to believe since I’m not sure I could of done more without coming across needy
All the freaking dates you've been on, and all the CONTACT without actual sex is needy, NOT escalating on the first date and being congruent with your desires.

Being honest with a woman on the first date, escalating to sex, making her orgasm, and then not talking to her for a few days = mysterious and hot.

Contacting her everyday, making friend date after friend date and refusing to be congruent with your desires = needy as hell.

Quote:
TWO: She now has other options / guys on the go and is now getting most of her ‘attention’ from other sources - but continues to agree to meet me, and texts me (?)
Of course she has options. Any attractive woman does. She will meet and date men until she finds a dominant male who understands sex.

Quote:
THREE: I’ve been nudged into some weird region between casually dating and friend zone, despite agreeing to me taking her away a day/night (this might explain the former?)
You're in the friend-zone.
Quote:
FOUR: I either stop putting effort into this
That's exactly what you do. Right now you have a nice guy pleaser mentality, and it's kryptonite to women.

Quote:
I won't be investing more time unless there is a significant shift: What would you do next?

I'd meet other women.

This day and age, 8,9's,10's are thirsty for dominant males who display passion. There is a huge, huge pool of flabby, wishy-washy, video game couchers who have no fucking clue what to do with women.

This is why "bad boys" (IE, men who just go for what they want, and are honest) sleep with women on the first date. And the more women you sleep with, the better you get in bed, and the more direct and to the point you become without fear of outcome.

always remember that lack of action conveys lack of confidence. Too many dates, too much contact, too much talking. not enough flirting and passion.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:14 am 
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Posts: 21
Quote:
lack of action conveys lack of confidence. Too many dates, too much contact, too much talking. not enough flirting and passion.
100% - Sloppy play on my part. I'm better than this.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 1:18 am 
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Posts: 2817
Too much analysis dude. You are too in your head and focusing on the wrong shit. Plus, you already stated it yourself, you failed to escalate at key moments.

What you need to be doing is always escalating in some way no matter what. UNLESS....she actually addresses your advances and tells you that she doesn't have sex until she really gets to know the person, or explains where she is in response to your clear sexual agenda. Even the limits that she tells you may not be actual limits, but it at least allows you to gauge where you are at with her. I mean how many guys here have banged girls that said "I'm not having sex with you tonight." A lot. And not because they forced them. Because girls just say that to play hard to get. It's part of the game.

That's why escalation is the great equalizer. Because it sorts out all the girls who are DTF from the time wasters. Not only that, but it allows you to get sexual much faster with those who are down to have some fun. When you fail to escalate you confuse the girl and often yourself, and even if she is DTF you wouldn't frickin' know because you are not doing the things you need to be doing in order to get there.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 5:23 pm 
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King Among Mortals
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
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Location: United States
Sexual escalation is all about what you do to a woman on the physical level in order to make sex with her happen. With out doing that, you have wasted every thing you have done up until that point.

You might just as well go to a restaurant, by two dinners, and a bottle of wine. Toss half in the garbage, go home and rub one out.
Quote:
TWO: She now has other options / guys on the go and is now getting most of her ‘attention’ from other sources - but continues to agree to meet me, and texts me (?)
She needs a man who is sexually active and self confident enough to act on her body without shame. She doesn't need a pussy, she already has one.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 5:27 pm 
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Number 4.

You're already investing way too much thought and energy into a girl you haven't even banged yet. This long elaborate post is a clear display of the neediness that she felt from you that you don't think you were showing. You were showing it. The same way you know when a girl is DTF because of how she reacts to your advances; women know when we're needy chumps no matter how hard we try to hide it. They're programed to know.

You were an ego boost. She took and give just enough to keep your attention without truly complying with your highest request. It's a typical story.

Move on for now. If she comes back, just make sure the meeting is on your terms.

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