Can someone help me analyze my situation?



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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:38 pm 
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Met this lady at my work. She's not a workmate. About 15 months ago and was totally blown away by her but too shy to say anything, also I had a girlfriend.
About a year ago while at work this lady passed by and asked me out. I was (pleasently) shocked and told her I'd have to get back to her. A couple weeks after that she passed by and asked me "when we're going out for a drink?". I told her I had a girlfriend.
So fast forward to last month. I broke up with my girlfriend. I told a female coworker of mine about this lady, that I had a crush on her. My coworker gave her my phone number without telling me. So I get a 'hello' text from this lady that passes by my work I have this crush on. I wasn't mad at all. I was really glad she somehow got my number.
About 4 days after that, she calls me up and invites me to join up with her out of town. I go join her and we have lunch abd go to a bar with live music until 2am. So it was an all day all night date. As we're going back to the place she's staying at, she tells me out of the blue that she doesn't want to hurt me and we should be friends for now and see where it goes. We get back to the place and she initiated spooning on the sofa. No sex. Alcohol kills my libido, while weed does just the opposite. Didn't have weed.
We sleep and catch a ride back home. On the ride I blab too much about myself and she expresses disdain at what I have to do for a living.

Two weeks later, I call her up and ask her out on a dinner date. She readily accepted. I dress up and pick her up, I gave her red roses. I had a restaurant in mind but she suggested we go somewhere closer, I agreed. She talked and talked from the time she got into my car from the time I dropped her off. It didn't bother me, her voice is sweet.
I went to pull out a hundred bill to pay for the meal and she asked me if I needed help. I told her I can easily handle it. Then she suggested we have more drinks and she'd pay for those. I told her I had plenty of money but she insisted and so I agreed again. And she taljed some more, reiterating that she still has a lot to acomplish in her life and that she's not ready for a relationship. I never brought up having a relationship with her, I was just enjoying her company. We went to a bar for a few more drinks and she again insisted on paying.
I finally drop her off at her place after 12mn. She only wanted a hug.

We went out again for happy hour at a bar a couple days later. One of her female friends showed up and she introduced us and said that any girl who dates me would have to pass her test. I'm thinking "HELLO! I'm here with YOU! Not interested in some other girl!" And then told her friend (after she got sufficiently buzzed) that she brought me along as her safe driver home. I was pissed.

The next day she texted me to say she was sorry about that night and i texted her back that she looked sexy as hell. I got worried and called her two days later and told her sorry for such a forward text. She said yes it was too much but that I was forgiven.

I think in less than a month I may have messed up beyond repair with this woman. I really like her. I havent heard from her in over a week now. I'm 42, she is 43.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:44 pm 
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You didn't stuff up, but this girl is controlling you and you'e allowing it to happen.

Everything she is doing and saying is putting you into the position she wants, wherever that is.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:58 pm 
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You didn't stuff up, but this girl is controlling you and you'e allowing it to happen.

Everything she is doing and saying is putting you into the position she wants, wherever that is.
Yea, I did display some neediness and beta male traits. I'll admit that.
Thank you for your observation, dude.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:38 pm 
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All that for a manipulative 43 year old?

No thanks!

Text her this: hey just came into a lot of money. Let's hit up the town, all on me.

Set a time and place, and never show up.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:42 pm 
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All that for a manipulative 43 year old?

No thanks!

Text her this: hey just came into a lot of money. Let's hit up the town, all on me.

Set a time and place, and never show up.
I like how you think, brother.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 10:01 pm 
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And it's not just that she was manipulative on your dates.

I will freeze out, or dump any woman (or not even speak to her) if she isn't sweet and feminine.

Women like this deserve....nothing.

There are some tell-tale signs that help you avoid these kinds of women. They will ask you a lot about your job, your house, your car, and less about your interests and passions and what makes you tick internally. They drink a lot of wine (heavy alcohol consumption is a tip...Flusie City). They don't think "does this man make me smile?" but think "how does this man fit into my agenda?"

But a man with abundance mentality knows better. Thankfully, not all women are like this, but there are many.

BTW, I'm your age. Age is not a factor for men, fitness is. Hit the gym and you'll be able to never have to date these kinds of women.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:05 am 
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BTW, don't apologize to a woman for giving a compliment. Especially two days after it happened, it makes you look neurotic, like you have nothing going on.

Women get over things faster than men. They don't care about this kind of shit.

And avoid compliments for women who won't kiss you goodnight. Let them earn it.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:39 am 
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Thanks for opening my eyes. I was blinded by how beautiful she is.

Yes she does consume a lot of alcohol, wine in particular. It seems whenever she goes out anywhere there has to be alcohol involved. Can't have fun without alcohol :roll: . So that is spot on about her.

Plus, I don't want to go for the kiss while she's tipsy simply because I want her to mean it when she reciprocates and not be under the influence.

I didn't go into detail here about the text I sent her telling her about how sexy she was but it was a little more than just telling her that she was sexy. It did sound pervy the way I worded it. I visualized her showing it to her daughter, who is 21, and I didn't want to get labeled as 'creepy'. I should have just let the text say she was sexy and left it at that without going into detail. But you are correct, about making her earn the compliment first after the kiss.
I have got a lot to learn. Thanks dudes for your help.

She is actually away for a few weeks and I purposely have not reached out to her. I'll give her one more chance IF she reaches out to me first. But if not it's ok. She is so gorgeous, she probably has guys crawling all over her wherever she is anyways.
I'm also going places and talking to other women, employing Dan Bacon's and Corey Wayne's teachings and actually having some success. I have to think alpha and ditch the beta thinking.


Last edited by Ladude71 on Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:53 am 
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Quote:
Yes she does consume a lot of alcohol, wine in particular. It seems whenever she goes out anywhere there has to be alcohol involved. Can't have fun without alcohol :roll: . So that is spot on about her.
Yeah, it's gross. Big turn off for me. Don't get me wrong, I like to party, and like it when a woman I'm seeing gets wild and fun. It's the constant wine-glass-in-the-hand that I'm talking about here.
Quote:
I didn't go into detail here about the text I sent her telling her about how sexy she was but it was a little more than just telling her that she was sexy. It did sound pervy the way I worded it. I visualized her showing it to her daughter, who is 21, and I didn't want to get labeled as 'creepy'. I should have just let the text say she was sexy and left it at that without going into detail. But you are correct, about making her earn the compliment first after the kiss.
I have got a lot to learn. Thanks dudes for your help.
Yeah do not send texts like that early on. Text like a man who has three naked women in your bed:

"Cool, sounds good."

short, chill, positive. Don't play your cards too fast.

Quote:
I have to think more alpha and ditch the beta thinking.
Yep.

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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 3:37 am 
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I've seen this type before. Lemme guess, the bar fly MILF who ages well and knows how to play men, yet never really gets anywhere and is still single at age 40+. First off, the alcohol ain't helping, but don't get me started on that.

Basically what she's doing is manipulating you, just like all the other guys past and present in her life, by forcing you to fit into HER lifestyle. She wants you to seek validation from HER friend. She teases you with varying degrees of physical/sexual contact. then sends you home with blue balls. She don't care. She tries to lower your status and by offering to pay (this is why women do that btw). Also, you don't EVER tell a woman she looks sexy, particularly not in a text, unless you have already slept with her or you know it's going to go down for sure. That's telegraphing intent. Takes all the fun out of it for her.

I don't think its a lost cause though, and you could probably bang her if you pursue it further. But you are doing some AFC shit and that needs to stop. The next time you see her you need to just escalate the whole time and try to f-close and stop playing her games and getting in your feelings.

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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 5:43 am 
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Quote:
I've seen this type before. Lemme guess, the bar fly MILF who ages well and knows how to play men, yet never really gets anywhere and is still single at age 40+. First off, the alcohol ain't helping, but don't get me started on that.

Basically what she's doing is manipulating you, just like all the other guys past and present in her life, by forcing you to fit into HER lifestyle. She wants you to seek validation from HER friend. She teases you with varying degrees of physical/sexual contact. then sends you home with blue balls. She don't care. She tries to lower your status and by offering to pay (this is why women do that btw). Also, you don't EVER tell a woman she looks sexy, particularly not in a text, unless you have already slept with her or you know it's going to go down for sure. That's telegraphing intent. Takes all the fun out of it for her.

I don't think its a lost cause though, and you could probably bang her if you pursue it further. But you are doing some AFC shit and that needs to stop. The next time you see her you need to just escalate the whole time and try to f-close and stop playing her games and getting in your feelings.
Thanks dude. You are 1000% correct. I'm onto her shit now. I will let her contact me first. If she doesn't no big deal. Personally, I think she's a waste of brainspace and time right now. And I'm not even sure I want to expend anything more on her. I met two others at the mall a few days ago. Thanks to everyone for helping me step back and opening my eyes to her shit.


Last edited by Ladude71 on Mon May 01, 2017 6:15 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 5:46 am 
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Quote:
I've seen this type before. Lemme guess, the bar fly MILF who ages well and knows how to play men, yet never really gets anywhere and is still single at age 40+. First off, the alcohol ain't helping, but don't get me started on that.

Basically what she's doing is manipulating you, just like all the other guys past and present in her life, by forcing you to fit into HER lifestyle. She wants you to seek validation from HER friend. She teases you with varying degrees of physical/sexual contact. then sends you home with blue balls. She don't care. She tries to lower your status and by offering to pay (this is why women do that btw). Also, you don't EVER tell a woman she looks sexy, particularly not in a text, unless you have already slept with her or you know it's going to go down for sure. That's telegraphing intent. Takes all the fun out of it for her.

I don't think its a lost cause though, and you could probably bang her if you pursue it further. But you are doing some AFC shit and that needs to stop. The next time you see her you need to just escalate the whole time and try to f-close and stop playing her games and getting in your feelings.

Agree with all of this.

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PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2017 12:32 pm 
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Ok, suppose we go out again. I will definitely escalate and go for the kiss. What I'd like to do is get her back to the hotel for the night since neither of us lives alone yet. She lives with her mom, mom's bf and her daughter. I have 2 roomates so a hotel is my only option until I find a place of my own in a few months.
Is there a good way to word it?
If the kiss goes well I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "I propose we take this (bottle of wine) and get our own space for the night. Maybe we can perfect this kissing thing some more."


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PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2017 7:40 pm 
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Ok, suppose we go out again. I will definitely escalate and go for the kiss.
A 40+ Bar fly knows how to get way past a kiss, even at Mom's house.

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PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 5:06 am 
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Ok, suppose we go out again. I will definitely escalate and go for the kiss. What I'd like to do is get her back to the hotel for the night since neither of us lives alone yet. She lives with her mom, mom's bf and her daughter. I have 2 roomates so a hotel is my only option until I find a place of my own in a few months.
Is there a good way to word it?
If the kiss goes well I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "I propose we take this (bottle of wine) and get our own space for the night. Maybe we can perfect this kissing thing some more."
I'm not sure where you will be or how you'll get to the hotel, but I guess it doesn't matter based on my suggestion here. If you are taking her by car, I would try to start the makeout session in the car, and then after she's all worked up, stop and say that you want to show her something, it's a surprise. Then you drive to the hotel. She'll be wondering where you are taking her and guessing and getting all excited thinking its a game or its someplace a lot cooler than some seedy hotel. And dear gawd have the room lined up before you get there so you can just go straight to the room and badge the door open and start fucking.

The thing of it is, she'll go if its easy for her to go and not belabored and built up too much. If you telegraph everything and are like "Hey lets go get a hotel room and have sex"...then its no fun for her and gives her nothing but opportunities to say no and screw up your plan, which she evidently has a propensity for doing based on her past history.

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