should be smooth, but...



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 Post subject: should be smooth, but...
PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 9:12 am 
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Hey guys

This is a situation. I will go from the beginning to give you full insight. Met this super hot girl at the bar on saturday a few weeks ago, great approach and conversation, everithyng went smoothly. Got a number.
I ask her out for drinks next week, she says ok. But then she canceled because she can't find a nanny, yes she got a kid. I have written it off, too much trouble. If we see each other in the club again great, but I am out. Then after 10 days she suddenly sends a message at midnight that she is at this club. Timing was perfect, I was on my way to clubs in that area with my friends, so I say I might come if she is there with her girls, otherwise my friends wont go.
Came to the club, she is with a few of her girls. My friends stay a bit but then find other spots. I stay with her and her girls, we switch a few clubs, they offer to pay for drinks all the time, can not refuse :D , great flow. And night (already morning) ends with wild sex, fantastic night, girl is absolutely great and interesting. A few short texts next day, I can see she is a bit ashamed, but not too much. We had a drunk deal to see each other on wednesday, sex involved, (dont ask me what) but disasterous weather ruined it.
So, I do her routine on next friday, at midnight text her if she is in some club in area where I am, expecting she is since she goes out every weekend this spring. She is not, she is working in shifts, so at work. A few texts, I am already a bit drunk, try to arrange going out tomorrow, but from tomorrow she is out of city for a few days because of holidays.
I wait for next weekend for her to initiate. She does not contact me. Dont get me wrong, I am out having great time, both on friday and saturday, but lets be honest, I hope for her to contact me.
Yesterday, I send her concise text, lets go out for a drinks, exact place and two days to choose from. She says she can't because one day she is having a night shift, next day she goes to to movies with girls, and she yet does not know her work schedule for the weekend. Does not suggest specific alternative. I do some witty reply and leave ball in her court, say she informs me whe she is free. Not much options here, right? Resume with texting would be disaster, with this witty remark I leave on a high note.

So! I am a bit irritated by whole situation.
First, when you work in shifts and are a single mom, you have all excuses in the world: "I can't, I work" and anything concerning a kid (no nanny available, sick, blah blah). If she wants to be polite, no need for her to make some excuses up, she just goes with work/kid excuse. In situation with a girl with normal work schedule and no kids I would not go light, I would be so much more agressive.

My ultimate goal is to hang out with her when we not not wasted or in the club, so I can get an insight if she is worth my time in future. And my impression is, she definitely might be! Otherwise I would put her in one night stand category and not contact again.

So what the hell, how the hell do I get her for a date now, after more than a few missed shots I start feeling like a fool? By the way, she is always responding immediately to my texts, never ignoring, good remarks, funny, not like she is not interested. So what the hell? :idea:
1) Do I just leave this and wait again for her to initiate, ball is in her court, she will call when she has time, right :lol: ? In my expirience, coinflip at best. So if she does not contact me...
2) Do I reinitiate in a few days for one last time, with a new lets go for drinks date?
3) Do I call her on saturday midnight when she is in some club in city getting drunk and just try to work from there?
4) Do I just leave it if she does not respond? Maybe do some hail mary in a month or so?


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:46 am 
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Quote:
So! I am a bit irritated by whole situation.
First, when you work in shifts and are a single mom, you have all excuses in the world: "I can't, I work" and anything concerning a kid (no nanny available, sick, blah blah). If she wants to be polite, no need for her to make some excuses up, she just goes with work/kid excuse. In situation with a girl with normal work schedule and no kids I would not go light, I would be so much more agressive.
Why would you be much more aggressive? An interested woman will find the 25th hour in the day for you. Kid or not if she wanted to see you she'd make it happen.
Quote:
My ultimate goal is to hang out with her when we not not wasted or in the club, so I can get an insight if she is worth my time in future. And my impression is, she definitely might be! Otherwise I would put her in one night stand category and not contact again.
You may not want to text her at midnight trying to randomly meet if you want to not meet her wasted in a club.
Quote:
So what the hell, how the hell do I get her for a date now, after more than a few missed shots I start feeling like a fool? By the way, she is always responding immediately to my texts, never ignoring, good remarks, funny, not like she is not interested. So what the hell? :idea:
1) Do I just leave this and wait again for her to initiate, ball is in her court, she will call when she has time, right :lol: ? In my expirience, coinflip at best. So if she does not contact me...
2) Do I reinitiate in a few days for one last time, with a new lets go for drinks date?
3) Do I call her on saturday midnight when she is in some club in city getting drunk and just try to work from there?
4) Do I just leave it if she does not respond? Maybe do some hail mary in a month or so?
I'd let her come to me. You did your fair share. Ball's in her court. Besides, that's what worked the last time, isn't it?

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:03 am 
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Straight up, bro; don't message her again...yet...

You message, she responds, plans do or do not happen. Lately, seems like they aren't happening. Now you have to change the predictable aura you are building around yourself; don't message her. Give it a few days and see if she contacts you. See, I am a "single-parent" too. I have a girlfriend but she doesn't reside with me. Having a child means you are constantly busy, almost all the time. If she says she is busy, it may be true and good on her for working as well while raising this kid.

Anyway, again, don't message. Give it a few days. There will be some point after the kid has gone to bed, and she has a few good minutes to sit down that she could message. You want her to go "What happened to that guy?", thinking it is unusual for you to not contact her for a bit and she may just send the message.

Now:
Path 1: She messages you.
I would give her shorter-than-usual, but NOT rude messages back. You want to seem slightly too busy to send her a decent message back but not something that seems like you don't want to speak to her at all. Maybe:
Her: Hey. How are you? Haven't heard you.
You: Hey girl. Been hektic busy. Hope you're well x.
It sounds like you are busy, and slightly dismissive because you are busy, but not rude or the like.
Her: What have you been up to?
You: Working. Training. Clubbing. Repeat. Hope your [son/daughter] is doing well.
Again, slightly dismissive but not rude.

You want her to think, "what is this guy's deal?" without thinking, "this guy is a jerk."

Now that is done, once that brief exchange of messages are over, give it almost a day and hit her with a big one, dismissing your busy lifestyle earlier.
You: Hey girl. Missing not talking to you. I have been working hard, looking forward to a good weekend this weekend. How about you? Hitting those clubs again? Let me know.

Suddenly, boom, "he is interested still! And wants to see me again!"
Different to what you were displaying earlier; shakes her sh#t up a little; makes confused and unsure of your intentions completely; makes her interested more.

---Women love to be able to understand things. When they cannot, it rustles their feathers---

If you guys get a conversation going, talk to her like you did those few times, all cool and sh#t, open and inviting.

Somewhere in there, throw that you hit up some club or scene with a "couple of girls recently and it was pretty cool but "isn't good enough to take you there". What can this do? This can show two things 1] You have other girls floating around you, which a] creates subtle jealousy with other females, b] a desire to want to know what it is about you that causes other girls to hang around you and c] a bit of friendly competition in her. 2] You went to this club with other girls but you won't take her there because it isn't good enough immediately making her feel that she is in a slightly better advantage than these other females.

Then proceed as normal, not overbearingly, to talk casually until you see each other again.

Path 2: She doesn't contact you.
Give it 2-3 days of silence, then hit her with something like this:
You: [Her name]. I've been thinking about you. I am going out to the club this weekend. Come with me.

Direct, somewhat confidant and demanding; taking charge. Show's you have thought of her and want to see her again.

She may not message you again and, well, some you lose.

If she does, play ball bro! Don't be too pushy or constantly on her. Women get bored when they have already figured someone out completely. They want mystery and, given she is a single mother, could benefit from a little randomness and spontaneity.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 25, 2017 11:37 am 
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Great stuff, guys, appreciate it! :wink:

This single parent insight helps a lot War_Machine, I know it is 24/7 job and I have feeling she is not just being polite when she says she is busy, she is actually busy. So do what most of guys she knows would not do, lot of patience, slowplay and play it very cool. It was my first pick anyways.
And as you R.C. say - it worked before, you don't change a winning team.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 12:11 pm 
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Today and tomorrow I am going out.
She is gonna contact one of these two days during the night to meet.
We will acctually be in the same area probably.

When she does contacct me, what is best option:
1) to regain control - say I am out having a great time, and say i can not come
2) say maybe we will meet, and then meet her in an hour or so. It would mean 99% sex, but also it would mean again meeting her half drunk or drunk, wanna avoid that. As I said, I want normal date with her, great chance she is fantastic girl for more than just occasional sex. So, one step back...
3) say maybe and never come, next day hint i had great time and tell her if she wants to hang out, next time she should call earlier, not at midnight
4) something else

I would go for no. 3, it gives me back momentum, i do not look like a puppy, and if she interested then fuck, she ll call again and this time I will have some leverage, unlike right now.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:10 pm 
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This is a great way of fucking things up OP.

Just go meet the damn girl. Stop worrying about being her "puppy". As long as she's investing and showing her attraction towards you, you're fine.
Stop idealizing her in your head. You do not know her. You do not know what kind of relationship you want to have with her. You do not know if she's good for anything else rather than being a fuck buddy and you do not know if she even wants to bring another person into her child's life.

Let things evolve naturally and don't play stupid games. If things work out and you take a serious turn, cool. If not, have fun and enjoy the moment.

Do not invest so much energy in someone you barely know just because they seem to be alright.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.


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PostPosted: Mon May 01, 2017 3:51 am 
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Or...and I would've never said this until I became a parent myself....but maybe try to level with her and acknowledge that you realize it must be tough for her to be raising her kid and focusing on putting her kid first while still maintaining a semi-fun lifestyle of her own.

Most guys in the club scene look at single mom's kids as a necessary evil that you just have to learn to work around. Not that you should be trying to play the insta-dad role or anything, but you might be able to earn points with her by simply empathizing with her situation and showing that you aren't like all the other guys that just want to bone her while her kid sleeps in the next room. Something to consider anyway.

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