Fear of rejection... again!



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 11:35 am 
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Hi! First of all, I didn't know where to open the topic, so I openned it here. If it's incorrect, feel free to move it.

Well, the bottom line here is that I've been in a situation a few months back with this girl in my course where I've been rejected. And now I'm afraid of it happening again... I'll explain in more detail bellow...

I started my course a few months back, in January. Since then, this girl (let's call her Emma) would look to me in a different way, as far as I could tell (like being in a class and she being almost completely turned backwrds watching me work, holding her head with her hand and giving me a look). I thought she was cute but didn't give it much thought. Later, we went out a couple of times (in a group and alone with each other). A bit later, she came to find out about my feelings for her and came speaking to me about how she's recently got out of a relationship (that's true) and that she wasn't looking for anything back then. As we were in the same course and will be for the next year and a half (assuming we both reach the end) I just became very awkward around her until I decided to start avoiding her at all costs and pulled the plug on her (not a very manly thing to do, I know). Later, I got involved with another girl, from my course also (which I now see as a mistake). That's over now.

And when I thought I was finally cool with most things, Emma starts trying to get close to me again, whether by commenting on a book I'm reading, something on facebook, random things on a group conversation, etc. As she started getting close again, all those feelings came rushing to the surface again.

So, now I'm at a point where I'm wondering why she's trying to get close again. I'd like to think that it'd be because got jealice of the other girl (they don't get along). But I can't help wondering about she getting close again just to get rid of the awkwardness between us.

If it were any other random daily situation where if things went badly I could just get away or something I would just have to put up with it. But here I can't just leave the course and I think she isn't going anywhere any time soon.

So, in the end she's trying to get to me, whatever the reason is and I'm afraid of being rejected again. Well, she didn't really said it the first time, but I think of things like "I just got out of a relationship" or "I'm not looking for anything right now" or "I'm fine with you as long as you don't keep any hopes" as rejections.

Can I do anything to perhaps to things around? Preferably, without going back to how things were between us or worse, if I get rejected again. lol

Thanks, in advance, for the help and sorry for the long post. lol

EDIT: I've been reading some posts and this situation is very similar to mine: mid-game/initiating-contact-vt195080.html


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 7:36 am 
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So you're scared? is that it?

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 10:24 am 
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Basically, yeah.

Anyway, although I asked for your help, I think I'm just gonna forget about her and move on (easier said than done), because and don't think she's into me, even though she's trying to reinitiate contact.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 1:11 pm 
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One of the most important things you can do in this situation, is to CONFRONT your feeling that you have
for her.


If you care about her or love her, the first step is for you to admit this to yourself. Don't try to ignore it,
don't try to "move on", but confront them.

If you don't, these feelings will keep coming back over and over again. You won't be able to have
a normal relationship in the future, because of this chick.

Once you've confronted whatever you feel towards her, your next step is to confront HER with how you feel.

YES.

However, there is one important distinction.

You don't confront her with the hopes of being with her, but you tell her how you feel WITHOUT
expecting anything from her.


This is crucial.

I would suggest you write a letter for her with how you feel, express your emotions and love. But not to have
her love you back, but just so you free yourself from these emotions once and for all.

She is playing games with coming in and out, and this is probably not the girl you want to be with, but
you do have emotions for her.

And when you admit it and come clean, without expecting anything from her, she'll respect you more
and you'll be free of the love trap.

Say to her openly,

"Hey Emma, there's something I need to tell you. I've been madly in love with you
for the past year. I was with this other girl, but I still thought of you. I don't want anything from you,
I just wanted to tell you how I feel. You are the most beautiful thing that ever lived on this earth. Whenever
I see you, my heart is in my stomach, I can't think, speak or act right. And I love it. I love every minute of it...

Again, I don't want anything from you, I just wanted to express this because I feel it's the right thing to do.

Bye"


Maybe you need to sit with her for coffee and tell her in her face how you feel.

The important thing is that you CONFRONT how you feel, and are free of it.

Now, you will be scared of doing this. Your voice will tremble. You will need help from a higher force
to do this. But do it anyway, because you'll be a man then.

I had the exact same situation happen to me. There was a girl at work that I was madly in love with, and didn't
tell her for years. This haunted me for a long time, it was like this love for her was trapped inside of me.

Then I sent her a message with a letter about how I felt.

Man it felt good.

She responded with appreciation, although it didn't matter to me at that point. All I wanted was to come clean.

Then I was free of her. I saw her again, and didn't feel the same anymore. There is something about
expressing how you feel that liberates you.

The truth will set you free.

And after you're done with her, get on your journey to become good with women, and never find yourself
in this kind of situation again. I would warmly invite you to take advantage of a "welcome package" that I
prepared for guys like you, to help you get started with your success with girls. Link is in my signature below.

I hope this helps,

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